5 Things Every Woman Should Know About Her Beau

 

Men need to feel needed. (This is something I’ve forgotten and messed up on in the past. I believe it was down to pride and not wanting to ask for help).  Men need to know they’re required in your life.  If women have a desire to feel needed why wouldn’t men? Just be careful not to go overboard and smoother him.  

Men often show their love through actions. Don’t get so caught up with words. Yes words hold importance but as the saying goes actions speak louder than words. Actions carry a lot of weight i.e. when a man sacrifices his time for you, stands up for you during a difficult situation, attends functions that are important to you, visits your family. Don’t overlook the actions he shows on a day to day basis…they often speak volumes.

Men get insecure too.  I think men are a lot more sensitive than they’ll have us think. The older they get the more likely they’ll have to fight the pot belly, receding hair line or baldness. Then there’s the issue of money and their status within society. The only difference is that men often over-compensate their insecurities whereas women are more upfront about their fears. The key is to remind him that you love him no matter what.  

You can teach him to give you what you crave. The fact is your man may not know the importance of some of the issues you hold. Explaining your feelings and needs is not the same as voicing complaints. Once you cross into complaining territory he’ll begin to switch off. Just because you don’t see results immediately doesn't mean he’s not listening and that a change won’t come. When you least expect it he might just surprise you. Be patient! Remember no one’s perfect and a little praise here and there goes a long way.

He needs some alone time.  Give him some space and don’t sulk. While this might sound juvenile you’d be surprised how many women pout when their other half requires some alone time. Between work, family, your smartphone and friends it’s hard to get a moment to yourself. Use the time to do something you enjoy. No doubt your beau will come back feeling refreshed with a spring in his step. His cheerful attitude will in turn leave you happy.  Having some quiet time is a must within a relationship.

Insecurity In A Relationship.

Unless you’re very attentive you won't recognize a deeply insecure man/woman initially. Insecurity comes in different forms and manifests in different kinds of situations hence why we don’t identify it for what it really is.

For example I met a guy several years ago who seemed to have it all together and appeared faultless on paper. He was intelligent, held a good job, attractive, financially stable, acted chivalrous and shared the same religious beliefs. There was a shy sensitivity that seemed so endearing. These characteristics seemed too good to be true….because they were. He damn near tricked me. Let me rephrase, I got fooled by his over charming and sensitive nature which temporarily masked his deep insecurities. 

His behaviour soon started to change. He stated that I never showed my feelings in the ‘right way’, displayed an explosive temper, needed constant reassurance and compared my actions to his which were never good enough. HUH?!?!?....*cue alarm bells*.

People take note. If a person is severely insecure no amount of reassurance will change anything. Everything you do and say will be questioned and most often be held to a standard you can’t attain. The more you give the more they’ll want.

Insecure people come in many façades but as I learnt throughout Counselling some of the tell-tale signs are smothering behaviour, jealousy, possessiveness and a constant need of approval. You’ll be surprised the lengths people will go to when they're unconfident. Most of us have dated an insecure person because there are such varying degrees. At the extreme end we often mistake the person’s behaviour for a deep/ obsessive type of love.

It takes a real level of strength if you continue to stay in this kind of relationship. I've had a brief snippet of what it involves and it’s mentally and emotionally draining. We all encounter times when we feel insecure but when it dominates your whole relationship and takes over your sanity it may be time to walk away. 

My advice is to keep your wits about you whilst dating/ embarking on a new relationship as  there are far more insecure men/women out there than you’d think. Still there’s always hope when a person admits they have a problem and takes responsibility for doing something about it.

4 Reasons Women Choose The Wrong Guy Part 2

 

Continuing last week’s topic surrounding the reasons women choose the wrong guy. Here is Part 2..........

Timing- My friend and I were discussing relationships and he mentioned the importance of timing. Where you're at emotionally and mentally is very important. How are things at work/ home? Have you just come out of a bad relationship? If you’re not in the right space emotionally you won't be thinking clearly and are more likely to fall head over heels in love for the wrong reasons.

Lack of Focus- when you don't have any life plans or goals you’re likely to feel lost like a leaf blowing in the wind with no sense of direction. You may find that you rely heavily on your partner to give you some sense of meaning. Your partner can enhance your life but shouldn't be the main focus for everything you do. You should be living your own life not someone else’s.

Repeating Family Patterns- This is so important! We fail to realise how much we have a tendency to repeat history. You might find that you go for guys that remind you of your unavailable father. Maybe it's a family tradition to date controlling high tempered men/women. We often make decisions without knowing what's driving us. Not recognizing that we've taken on an unconscious belief that we can repeat some patterns with the hope that love will reveal a happy ending.

Fear of the Future- You become anxious about the future without any mate. Making decisions based on fear will never well. It will lead to a loss of confidence, a sense of neediness and you clinging onto the person who isn't right for you. Don’t let the fear of being alone push you into settling with the wrong person.

4 Reasons Women Choose The Wrong Guy Part 1

I've always stated that a woman’s intuition is like no other.  When it comes to relationships we usually have a good sense of what’s going on. We’ve had at least one failed relationship which should have allowed us to gain some experience, confirming what we do and don’t want in the future. Our self-worth should have grown and respect is no longer just a song we sing along too but something we give and expect from our men.

We know the kind of guy we want yet life gets in the way and we end up settling and convincing ourselves that the rotten behavior he’s displaying isn’t that bad. The Huffington Post released an encouraging piece listing 10 reasons women remarry the wrong guy. After reading the article I decided to integrate some of the points and list 4 reasons women choose the wrong man. Look out for Part 2 next week.

Desperation- Everyone else is in a relationship and settling down. You’re getting older and are constantly reminded that time is not on your side. You want it now and feel that patience is getting you nowhere. So you take matters into your own hands and compromise what really matters to you. The beliefs and standards that once meant so much have been pushed aside.

Low self-esteem - If your self-esteem is low you’ll run into the arms of someone who may not treat you right and more than likely their self- esteem will be just as low. If your self-worth is low you won’t believe that you’re truly worth the love and respect you deserve. Don’t underestimate the type of signals, body language that you give off.

Obsession- We put people on pedestals and views their shortcomings as nothing less than perfection. Obsessing over a guy is not a sign of love.  This kind of behavior will have you overlooking destructive qualities and traits that could lead to hurt and pain further into the relationship.

Rushing into intimacy- People often mistake lust for love. Once you start having sex it can blur the lines very fast. We no longer think straight and get in too deep, believing we have a form of control over the situation when we don’t. The intimacy then becomes a drug that we can’t give up and sex becomes the foundation of a good relationship.  Take the intimacy away and you’ll sometimes find that there’s nothing left but a physical attraction.