Wednesday, August 29, 2012

4 Reasons Women Choose The Wrong Guy Part 2


Continuing last week’s topic surrounding the reasons women choose the wrong guy. Here is Part 2..........

Timing- My friend and I were discussing relationships and he mentioned the importance of timing. Where you're at emotionally and mentally is very important. How are things at work/ home? Have you just come out of a bad relationship? If you’re not in the right space emotionally you won't be thinking clearly and are more likely to fall head over heels in love for the wrong reasons.

Lack of Focus- when you don't have any life plans or goals you’re likely to feel lost like a leaf blowing in the wind with no sense of direction. You may find that you rely heavily on your partner to give you some sense of meaning. Your partner can enhance your life but shouldn't be the main focus for everything you do. You should be living your own life not someone else’s.

Repeating Family Patterns- This is so important! We fail to realise how much we have a tendency to repeat history. You might find that you go for guys that remind you of your unavailable father. Maybe it's a family tradition to date controlling high tempered men/women. We often make decisions without knowing what's driving us. Not recognizing that we've taken on an unconscious belief that we can repeat some patterns with the hope that love will reveal a happy ending.

Fear of the Future- You become anxious about the future without any mate. Making decisions based on fear will never well. It will lead to a loss of confidence, a sense of neediness and you clinging onto the person who isn't right for you. Don’t let the fear of being alone push you into settling with the wrong person.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

4 Reasons Women Choose The Wrong Guy Part 1

I've always stated that a woman’s intuition is like no other.  When it comes to relationships we usually have a good sense of what’s going on. We’ve had at least one failed relationship which should have allowed us to gain some experience, confirming what we do and don’t want in the future. Our self-worth should have grown and respect is no longer just a song we sing along too but something we give and expect from our men.

We know the kind of guy we want yet life gets in the way and we end up settling and convincing ourselves that the rotten behavior he’s displaying isn’t that bad. The Huffington Post released an encouraging piece listing 10 reasons women remarry the wrong guy. After reading the article I decided to integrate some of the points and list 4 reasons women choose the wrong man. Look out for Part 2 next week.

Desperation- Everyone else is in a relationship and settling down. You’re getting older and are constantly reminded that time is not on your side. You want it now and feel that patience is getting you nowhere. So you take matters into your own hands and compromise what really matters to you. The beliefs and standards that once meant so much have been pushed aside.

Low self-esteem - If your self-esteem is low you’ll run into the arms of someone who may not treat you right and more than likely their self- esteem will be just as low. If your self-worth is low you won’t believe that you’re truly worth the love and respect you deserve. Don’t underestimate the type of signals, body language that you give off.

Obsession- We put people on pedestals and views their shortcomings as nothing less than perfection. Obsessing over a guy is not a sign of love.  This kind of behavior will have you overlooking destructive qualities and traits that could lead to hurt and pain further into the relationship.

Rushing into intimacy- People often mistake lust for love. Once you start having sex it can blur the lines very fast. We no longer think straight and get in too deep, believing we have a form of control over the situation when we don’t. The intimacy then becomes a drug that we can’t give up and sex becomes the foundation of a good relationship.  Take the intimacy away and you’ll sometimes find that there’s nothing left but a physical attraction.  

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

4 Reasons Men Don't Hate The Single Life As Much As Women.


There seems to be this idea that men are more content being single than women. I know both sex’s desire relationships but I do feel that men deal with the single life better. Women tend to vocalize their need for a relationship more because it’s at the forefront of their minds and society deems unattached women as outcasts more often than men. Women are constantly reminded about the biological clock and crave a family men don’t have this kind of pressure.

Evan Marc Katz wrote an interesting piece on the subject. Below are 4 reasons women hate being single compared to men.

SEX - this may seem hard to digest but there are some men who don’t desire to have the same kind of relationship that women do. Some of your needs are being met i.e. spending lots of time together with the hope that it turns into a serious relationship. He has other plans in mind and you’ll find that the relationship is often on his terms. When you’re together it’s good but once you’ve gone it’s out of sight out of mind. Why you ask? Probably because his needs are being met throughout his career, friendships, hobbies etc. Feelings will always grow the longer you’re intimate with someone but it doesn't mean it will develop into a relationship. Plus there’s less stigma around men having casual sex.

EXPECTATIONS- I believe women have greater expectations whilst dating and inadvertently put pressure on the men and themselves. Men can date casually and not get attached; this is much harder for women. Men often go into dating relaxed with the notion of having fun getting to know you. Women on the other hand go in with higher expectations hoping to find their knight in shining armour. Men are more patient with the process and are willing to accept women for who they are.

SELF- DEFINTION-  Steve Harvey said that men are defined by three things who he is (his title), what he does (his job), and how much he makes (his reward for his efforts). Women don’t function like this, not to say we are not career driven or ambitious but deep down our emotional being will override all that. Women are more likely to see their relationship as what defines them and sometimes obsess about being single. We then get lonely/ needy and start to question ourselves. Men can date multiple women and get each different need met. Women don’t like to do this and would rather have the whole package.

COMMUNICATION STYLES- I love to talk and have a great network of men/ women I can babble on to. Men don’t have the same support and tend to keep their circle smaller. Notice it’s mainly women reading self-help books and going to seminars because we have no problem admitting we need help. My girlfriends and I discuss our feelings often, it’s the norm. I’m not sure how many men openly vocalise their need for assistance.

We all have similar needs, don’t we? The longing for companionship, affection, support emotionally and mentally. Though it seems each sex deals with these needs differently. I have to agree that men find it easier being single. Thoughts?

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

5 Signs You're Not Ready To Be In A Relationship


Are you ready to be in a relationship? Some of us feel we’ve gone past the sell by date and are overdue a girl/boyfriend. We hit a certain age and time feels right, I want a ‘real’ relationship.  However wanting a relationship and being ready for one are two different things. It requires a lot of self-evaluation and total honesty on your part. 

Here are 4 reasons you may not be ready for a relationship. 

1. You need a partner to make you happy.
While many won’t admit it there’s a huge population of men and women that feel incomplete without a mate. They feel miserable because they don’t have that special person in their life. Needing someone is not the same as feeling lonely! Your whole life soon revolves around finding someone. Nothing you do will satisfy the urge until you’re settled down. The problem with this is that you’ll come across needy and may form attachments too quickly. If you don’t know what makes you happy as an individual how can you put all that pressure on your partner?

2. You’re not over your ex.
Need I say more? All loose ends need to be tied up before embarking on a new relationship. You need to get rid of any past resentment, hurt and feelings before you start something new. Any unresolved issues will only seep out into your behaviour/actions and into your new relationship. You’ve got to give yourself time to heal first. We often throw ourselves into new  relationship believing it'll be a nice distraction. Rebounds don’t work. You’ll only end up feeling guilty and causing more heartache.

3.You change yourself. 
You shouldn't have to change who you are to be accepted. If you find that you’re trying to change something about yourself to make you more attractive then your probably lacking in confidence and self-esteem. It doesn't always have to resort around physical appearances i.e. he likes tattoos so I’ll get one too. It could be little things, musical preferences, she’s a huge reader but you’re not. 

4. You don’t know what you want.
You’re not sure what needs you want met. You don’t know what you have to offer this person. You don’t even know if you really want a relationship. I can be indecisive at the best of times and can only imagine how frustrating this can be in a relationship. It’s not so bad in relation to trivial things like deciding what to order off the menu. When it comes to more serious matters like starting a family, getting married you need to know what it is you want from life and your other half. 

5. You’re too busy.
Serious relationships require a lot of time and effort. This may sound obvious but you’d be surprised how many people jump into them believing they can ride off emotions without investing time. Being unavailable physically can lead to being unavailable emotionally. This is a recipe for disaster. This is when you have to be honest with yourself and the other commitments you have in your life. 

You need to be in good emotional shape before you can attract the man/ woman you are looking for.
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