Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Dilemma: Will we get back together?


I recently got this dilemma sent through my inbox off the back of this post

My ex and I have broken up for some time now, and in that time that we have been broken up we have opened up a business together moved in with each other and even sleep on the same bed. We get into a lot of fights, and she keeps telling me she has no feelings and that we will never get back together. We are each other’s back bone and we do all that we can for each other. Our fights recently are getting worse and worse, and we say a lot of nasty stuff to each other. She has also recently started dating as well. I was wondering will we ever get back with each other.

Dear Anonymous,

I can't say whether you and your ex will get back together. However it seems that she’s already in the process of moving on because she's recently started dating. The fact you've opened up a business and live together only makes things worse. I’m not going to assume that you’re still being intimate because you share a bed but this won't help the healing process. You’ve been broken up for some time now but you haven’t moved on mentally/emotionally due to your current situation. 

It would be interesting to know who initiated the spilt. Simply because you seem to still hold a torch for your ex and would like to get back together. The last sentence says it all….

The lines seemed to be very blurred. You’re both acting like a couple yet technically aren’t together. There's no way of you moving on when she’s still such a big factor in your life. I guarantee your ex knows how you feel about her. It will come across in your actions and the things you say. She won’t find it difficult to share a bed and live with you as it clearly benefits her. She's getting her needs met and knows what buttons to push. You're also getting certain needs met, whether its attention, affection, company and support.The bottom line is she doesn't want you in that way. Don't let her actions fool you into believing its something more than it is.  This is even more reason for you to start cutting ties. You need to remember that  the relationship ended for a reason.

The only thing I can suggest is that you start to wean yourself off your ex. You’ve stated that the fights are getting worse. She’s told you that she has no feelings towards you and that you won’t be getting back together. I think the answer to you question is right there. I know it hurts but she seems to have moved on and may be using you. You have to go cold turkey and the first to doing this is living separately. Take baby steps and start to create some distance. The more you do it the easier it will become. You’re spending way too much time together and will only end up frustrating each other. It seems like your going down that route anyway with the constant fighting and name calling.  

Who knows what will happen with you two but you definitely need some space apart. Cutting ties with the business is probably more complicated but you really don’t need to live together. You need to get used to your own space, finding new hobbies, and spending some alone time with your thoughts. That way you can see what it is you really want for yourself. 
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