Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Men Hate Manipulation.

Over the next few weeks I’ll be looking into what men want from a relationship. Chris Enti wrote a brilliant post about this last year and covered 4 important factors that men look for in a woman, communication, sex, confidence and friendship. 

This week’s focal point is manipulation. While both sexes are guilty of using this tactic I’ve chosen to focus on why men want manipulation free relationships.

Manipulation can be subtle or very obvious. Whatever method used it won’t do the relationship any good and you won’t get you your needs met this way. Common forms of manipulation are ultimatums, withholding sex, shedding tears, sulking, and criticism. We often resort to manipulation to get our own way, to get attention and to control the relationship/spouse. We think we’re in control when the reality is men DON’T like it. They don’t like the constant game playing and trying to guess what you’re feeling or trying to say. Men can tell when you want the relationship to progress and no form of manipulation will get things to develop if he doesn’t want it to.

Manipulation will bring on the following consequences if you’re not careful. It will only lead to him feeling frustrated. I’ve been on the receiving end of manipulation and it so annoying...ARRGH! It takes up too much energy mentally and emotionally. He’ll end up being defensive, (which in return gets your back up) offended and questioning what it is you want from him. Manipulation can harbour resentment especially if you guilt trip him all the time i.e. Mandy’s boyfriend always takes her away once a year you don’t do that for me... This indirectly says (1) you’re not happy; (2) you’re comparing him to your friend’s spouse and (3) giving his ego a serious bruising. Can you see where I’m going with this?

Don’t be fooled into thinking that manipulative behaviour isn’t problematic. Manipulation is a form of emotional blackmail and is regarded as trying to change your partner’s behaviour/character. Ladies are you’re acting out unconsciously using manipulation as a defence mechanism to avoid hurt in the relationship? Or are you consciously using this behaviour to keep control? Whatever the reason it’s detrimental to the relationship and will eventually push him away. Learn to communicate effectively it will lead to better results.
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