Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Insecurity In A Relationship.

Unless you’re very attentive you won't recognize a deeply insecure man/woman initially. Insecurity comes in different forms and manifests in different kinds of situations hence why we don’t identify it for what it really is.

For example I met a guy several years ago who seemed to have it all together and appeared faultless on paper. He was intelligent, held a good job, attractive, financially stable, acted chivalrous and shared the same religious beliefs. There was a shy sensitivity that seemed so endearing. These characteristics seemed too good to be true….because they were. He damn near tricked me. Let me rephrase, I got fooled by his over charming and sensitive nature which temporarily masked his deep insecurities. 

His behaviour soon started to change. He stated that I never showed my feelings in the ‘right way’, displayed an explosive temper, needed constant reassurance and compared my actions to his which were never good enough. HUH?!?!?....*cue alarm bells*.

People take note. If a person is severely insecure no amount of reassurance will change anything. Everything you do and say will be questioned and most often be held to a standard you can’t attain. The more you give the more they’ll want.

Insecure people come in many façades but as I learnt throughout Counselling some of the tell-tale signs are smothering behaviour, jealousy, possessiveness and a constant need of approval. You’ll be surprised the lengths people will go to when they're unconfident. Most of us have dated an insecure person because there are such varying degrees. At the extreme end we often mistake the person’s behaviour for a deep/ obsessive type of love.

It takes a real level of strength if you continue to stay in this kind of relationship. I've had a brief snippet of what it involves and it’s mentally and emotionally draining. We all encounter times when we feel insecure but when it dominates your whole relationship and takes over your sanity it may be time to walk away. 

My advice is to keep your wits about you whilst dating/ embarking on a new relationship as  there are far more insecure men/women out there than you’d think. Still there’s always hope when a person admits they have a problem and takes responsibility for doing something about it.

1 comment:

  1. Sounds like it's possible you were with a narcissist.


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