Are you one of those people whose ex partners seem to be the same person with a different name? If yes this post is for you....the case of the recurring relationship. He looks different but carries the same traits that make you unhappy and keep you tied to a destructive relationship. Maybe he can’t commit, he’s a player, doesn't make time for you or has a controlling nature. The problem is you keep dating the same kind of guy. This seems to be a bigger problem for the ladies. Is it down to low self esteem? Or maybe it’s the save a man/fixer tendency within us?
Women often struggle with the fact that their current circumstances are a reflection of a pattern in their life and until they identify that pattern they are doomed to keep repeating the same mistakes with men. While break ups can cause immense heartache and pain it’s also a time to reflect and put things into perspective. What did you bring to the table, how did you contribute to the demise of the relationship? What characteristics do you look for in the opposite sex? Are those traits leading you to the same kind of man every time?
We all carry baggage and insecurities from our past which impacts future close relationships. That's why why we need to look at ourselves first before rushing into a new relationship. Our experiences shape us into the individuals we are today. This then influences who we pick as a partner. What we don’t realise is that often we pick partners that help us stay within our comfort zone. We seek what’s familiar to us. I.e. if our past is filled with quick attachments we might go on to seek that same situation in our relationships.
Not everyone repeats this pattern however there are many unconscious factors that we are unaware of when in search of a partner. We don’t go out deliberately looking for rubbish but there are behaviours/ patterns innate within us leading us to make decisions instinctively.
To conclude you can’t love the same type of man/ women over and over again and expect different results. The better we understand ourselves, the better we’ll be at choosing a partner who supports us just as we support them.
Do you know your relationship pattern?