Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Independent Women Part 1

All the women, independent, throw your hands up at me. This was the anthem during the year 2000. While this is some women’s motto all day err day. It doesn't always sit well when it comes to relationships. Most men will agree that independent women are attractive and it can be an attribute that will push a man to date you. Of course men like independent women ……to a point! Let’s not forget Neyo’s ‘Miss Independent’.

Nothing’s more appealing than a woman who’s capable of looking after her self but not so much that she doesn’t need a man. If your one of those women who takes out the garbage, fixes the broken washing machine and can even kill a rat. (I think my Nan falls into the latter category). You may indirectly be saying that you don’t need a partner. If you're already in a relationship you could be pushing him away and killing his ego in the process. I admit I’m quite a dab hand when it comes to DIY. I more or less transformed my whole flat alone. Oh the over whelming sense of achievement I felt upon completion. However I draw the line when it comes to anything car related. Why struggle to do everything by yourself if you have someone that’s willing to help you? Shoot let him kill the spider every once in a while.

Men like/need to feel wanted! They want to be taken care of just like us ladies. They want to believe they can do things that no one else can. If there’s nothing left for your partner to do then where does he fit in? What role does he play? I wonder that while some women are caught up with being ‘independent’ that they forget the needs of their men. They’re so devoted to being there own person that she may never be part of a tight knit-duo. Men like to provide this is a recurring them in Steve Harvey’s ‘Act Like A Lady Think Like A Man’. So please don’t take the privilege away from him! Yet they don’t want a woman who’s clingy, needy and over dependent. If you have a man that gravitates towards this then he may have a case of the hero syndrome (future post).

I was Queen Miss Independent and I’m pretty sure a previous ex felt like I didn’t need him. When ever he offered to help me financially, give advice, offer to buy gifts. I’d shut him down….ouch rejection. Not realising that we were in a ‘supposed’ partnership. Maybe my resilient attitude contributed to the break down of our relationship? My pride was the third person that reared its ugly head time and time again. If you can’t ask/receive help from your boyfriend then what’s the point?  
I think the problem is that some women have misconstrued the phrase independent. They use it as an excuse to be harsh, abrasive, rude and dominating. A real independent woman will show signs of vulnerability and an ability to ask for help without seeing it as an act of weakness. There’s nothing wrong with being independent, it’s when you make your partner feel that you can do it ALL without him that causes the problem. 

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