Tuesday, May 24, 2011

He's Just Not That Into You

I assume you’ve all heard of /watched the 2009 film 'He's Just Not That Into You'. I couldn't help but see what all the fuss was about. I was intrigued by the excuses women, me included make for men and I wanted an insight into men act the way they do. Whilst the film was okay the self-titled book is where the real understanding lies. It's an entertaining guide on how to interpret men penned by the writers of Sex In The City. It makes clear why the man you’re waiting for may not be worth the wait or all your excuses. The bonus being it’s from a male’s perspective with many quotes including 'men don't want to tell women when they're not interested -- and women don't want to hear it anyway' and 'When it comes to men, deal with us as we are, not how you'd like us to be'. Women take note!

Why do why we convince ourselves of something different when the plain facts are staring us in the face. I.e. when a man says he doesn't want a relationship yet we think we know him better than himself. Greg (the author) says it better 'Guys tell you how they feel even if you refuse to listen or believe them. 'I don't want to be in a serious relationship' truly means 'I don't want to be in a serious relationship with you' or 'I'm not sure that you’re the one'. How many times have we heard this statement and tried to interpret it as something else? Don’t be in denial if a man is open enough to tell you what he wants....listen to him!!! Some people aren't great on the communication front so be grateful he’s talking providing he’s telling the truth of course.

According to Greg if a man likes you he WILL ask you out. He states that men for the most part like to pursue women. We like not knowing if we can catch you? Ive heard this theory time and time again, not sure if I’m convinced in this day and age. We think that if we maybe tame it down a bit, act more interested, flirt more often it may push a man to ask you out. He could be shy right? Not according to Greg 'you seem to think at times that we're too shy or we just got out of something’. I won’t be using that excuse again. I understand it can't be easy and some women can be mighty intimidating. However I do believe if you really want something you'll feel the fear and do it anyway.

'If he creates expectations for you, and then doesn't follow through on little things, he will do the same for big things. Be aware of this and realize that he's okay with disappointing you'. Well they say the truth hurts. I briefly dated a man who was married to his job....literally. He'd squeeze me into his busy schedule when he saw/felt fit. I saw him maybe 2-3 hours a week. I was never satisfied or happy with this situation but I convinced myself that if I waited around patiently, he'd realize that he wanted to see me more often. I mean there’s only so much moaning I can do right? Upon reading that sentence back I realized how poor it sounds. The fact is he led me to believe he could be something that he wasn’t. He created an array of expectations and didn’t follow through. Nothing worse than being disappointed, unfortunately life is a journey full of them. However if your partner is constantly letting you down maybe he's just not that into you.

Another example is the men who constantly keep you waiting by the phone. The ones that state they'll call you at a certain time and never do. Now if you profess that you'll call me at 8pm I'm not expecting you to call me at 8 on the dot but I'm not expecting you to call two days later either. Yes there's always the unexpected situation that can arise but if it happens on a regular basis then Houston we have a problem. This is the man that apparently likes you. Surely he'd want to hear your voice, not fob you off with I'll call you later and not follow through. 

A friend of mine always questions why men promise to do things and don't follow through as if they've got a gun to their head. According to Greg...'most guys will say what they think you want to hear at the end of a date or a phone call, rather than nothing at all. It doesn't take a genius to know that the ones that mean it will follow through. Unfortunately if he's not calling you, it's because you’re not on his mind'. It sounds very blunt but it's better that you find these things out now than be in denial. I think we've forgotten that actions speak louder than words and it’s time to stop letting the baby/honeys and the other sweet words fool you. As sometimes that’s all they are…words. Men know what we want to hear and some know how to lay it thick. Nothing wrong with flirting and accepting the compliment just be aware of what you want and whether you’re both on the same playing field.

I'm not suggesting you take everything a man says literally but there comes a point when you have to stop making excuses for them. Why stay in dating limbo? There’s nothing worse than not knowing where you stand. Apart from making you unhappy it's damn frustrating arrrgh! If the so called relationship is causing you more distress than good then maybe he's just not that into you.

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