Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Have You Let Go Of Your Ex-Partner?

Break-ups are never easy. Some days are better than others and just when you think you've moved on something happens to trigger your emotions. You find that after going cold turkey for so long you’re still pining over your ex partner. I know this feeling all too well. When past relationship’s have come to an end but I'm still yearning for what we had. Wishing we could commence where we left off even if the relationship was more damaging than good. If you’re feeling this way the chances are you may not be over your ex.

Its funny how we miss all the lovely things our exes did but conveniently forget what we disliked. Those irritable traits that drove you mad. All the hurt, wrong doings, why that person wasn't right for you gets swept under the carpet. We tend to overlook these things over time, especially when lonely. Or we try and convince ourselves that the relationship wasn't so bad. That maybe you were happy after all. It’s important to remember that the relationship ended for a reason. I’m not suggesting you constantly focus on the negatives but don’t delude yourself into thinking things were better than they were.

One of the main reasons we struggle to let go is because we feel that our ex partner is there to meet our needs. Whilst in a relationship those needs are being met (to a degree) and once the partner ship ends we feel lost. How many times have you decided to go your separate ways only to regret the decision? We forget that the person wasn’t meeting enough of our requirements hence why the relationship is no more. We often feel disappointed because things didn’t pan out as hoped. No doubt the same things you were looking for in them they were looking for in you. The result is that you feel let down.

There’s nothing wrong with these thoughts, it's natural. There is a problem if you’re in a new relationship and your constantly comparing. Just a thought or mention of their name gets you angry, or you split with your partner a long, long time ago. As there comes a point where you need to move on. I read an article about letting go recently. It stated that most time we miss certain elements, whether it’s affection, encouragement or strength. These elements are YOUR needs and you’re probably trying to find someone else to meet them. The truth is that these needs are actually within us. I feel we become dependent on our exes without realising.
I've heard time and time again that you need to let go of past hurts before someone new can enter your life. You have to be honest with yourself and get to the root of why you’re still harbouring feelings. Whilst your ex-partner may have messed up, you have to let it go and use it as time to reflect on yourself and get ready for future relationships. It's more than declaring that your over your ex it’s closing the door emotionally. This is why it's difficult to let go as out hurt comes in many layers and may take years to get over. Have you let go of your ex partner? 

1 comment:

  1. You're absolutely right. For a long time I was in the space where i was desperately holding on...and then i entered the space where i was holding on less...and now, I'm in the space where i am not quite sure. It does hurt less each day - time is indeed a healer. However, until I am sure that i am not going to be 'working through' things in someone elses time i will be going REAL slow.


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