Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Does Everybody Have A Back Up Plan?

A Back up Plan/Game is better known as a Plan B girlfriend/boyfriend and is more common than people think. It’s generally someone you’re interested in dating if you weren’t otherwise taken. We've all heard women say if I’m not married by the time I’m 30 then you’re going to be my husband/ father of my child. While some women say it in jest there are others that are deadly serious. It’s been said that harmless flirting has implications of a back up plan. E.g. ‘If we were both single at the same time’ statement comes to mind.

Everybody’s fallen into the plan B category at some point they just didn’t realise it. Isn’t it human to privately think if things don’t work out with A I’d consider dating B. Or is it only seen as wrong once in a relationship? If we could read our partners thoughts we’d probably have heart failure with some of the things we’d see. Surely thinking something isn’t so bad, it’s the acting out that becomes the problem. Then again if you think about something long and hard enough you usually act it out.

If you’re single then it’s only natural to have a plan B….even a C. You’ve got to keep your options open, right? Your back up plan could be that good friend you’ve always secretly been attracted too. He/she is the first person you call when things go wrong. They’re your personal cheer leader (supports you’re every move). Maybe your plan B is your future husband / wife?

I guess the real issues arise when the back up plan is initiated whilst in a relationship. Maybe one party isn’t getting enough attention and their ego is getting stroked by plan B. A fear of being alone may drive them to keep their options open. A lack of confidence in your relationship may resort in you not being honest, leading you to entertain certain thoughts, environments and people. It could be early days and you’re not sure how things are going to pan out. Maybe your that way inclined and like to have your cake and eat it (shrug). Or maybe because your not conscious of your actions/ thoughts?

Or is it because once in a relationship we’re expected to be on a certain level emotionally? After a certain amount of time/ years there is nothing we can’t share, our partner is 100% open with us. We should be able to confess our undying love. However along with emotional attachment is some form of emotional defence. No one wants to get hurt and some people don’t like being open to vulnerability. Whilst on the outside they’re confessing yes you’re the one inside they’re screaming I’m not so sure. This fear may be acted out in a number of ways, lying, jealousy, clinginess, emotional detachment, having that potential someone, a plan B but not acting on it.

Plan B’s aren't always clean cut. Surely the morality of a back up plan depends on your relationship status?

1 comment:

  1. What do you do if you know you are someone's 'Plan B' ( the best friend- but there has always been attraction..) but they are currently entertaining 'Plan A' or not even that, just entertaining what has come along for the moment. Do you sit tight and see what happens or be very honest with them? And would it make it the slightest bit of difference anyway?


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