This post was prompted by a recent episode of The Only Way Is Essex. One of the characters Lydia was crying uncontrollably in front of her boyfriend James last week as she felt unfairly treated/ neglected. It made me wonder what goes through men’s minds when women cry. The cause of your tears (could be a form of manipulation, hormones, anger, sincere emotion or even memories) will determine the kind of response you receive
I’ve found that when I’ve broken down in front of the opposite sex some don’t know what to do. My ex partner would just look at me whilst I sobbed non stop. My immediate thought was, aren’t you going to console me? Not even a hug or a there, there which can be a slightly patronizing but would have been better than nothing. At the time I underestimated how difficult it must have been for him to see me in such a state. I couldn’t quite grasp that some men are paralysed with facing this kind of emotion. Some men simply don’t know what to do. My friend’s dad never consoles her when she’s upset. Does this mean he loves her less….not at all. It could simply be that he doesn’t know what solution to offer.
Men are instilled to protect and provide I’ve read this time and time again. There’s no doubt that he’ll want to comfort you but sometimes he’s just unsure how to do it. Men often like to provide a solution to the problem however when it comes to tears they get stuck. Some men feel pressured to have to solve the dilemma when often this isn’t the case. Note to men women don’t always want you to fix things. Sometimes they just want to be held, given a bit of sympathy, and have you be there will often go a long way.
Men feel a sense of helplessness. I sometimes feel uncomfortable when my friends cry so I can only imagine how it must feel for a guy. Their automatic response is to fix things, make her feel better, make the tears stop but some don’t know how to do this. Is it because this is an aspect men can’t control? Some men feel out of their element as there’s no on, off button for crying.
I also wonder if crying brings out fear in men especially if they’re the reasons behind the tears. A surge of paranoia must sweep over them. Some may believe that there partner is going to leave if she's constantly crying over his supposed behaviour. Men have feelings too so it must be difficult for them to see the woman they care about in so much distress. Remember men aren't heartless they just don't act/think the same way we do. Keep those expectations in check!
Or is it because women are allowed to freely express their emotions but men have to suppress there’s. Men are often conditioned to believe that they have to act tough and that crying is a sign of weakness. Men rarely cry in public and I've never seen any of my partners express such emotion, not yet anyway.