Monday, February 6, 2012

Why Women Feel The Need To Fix Relationships?

How many couple’s would give similar answers when asked whether things needed fixing within their relationship? What you feel needs changing and what your spouse thinks will probably differ. Considering there's two people in a relationship you’d think a couple would sit down, communicate‘effectively’ and work out what needs changing ‘together’. I think men resent when women get into super woman mode and try too fix everything themselves. A common example of women trying to fix relationships iscouples counselling (which can prove beneficial). I thought I wanted tospecialise in couples counselling but have decided against it. Counselling oneperson is challenging enough but two at the same time would prove too much for me.

My friend is attending couples counselling. He mentioned that his Mrs had suggested couples therapy on several occasions and I can only assume he finally succumbed as he speaks about the experience begrudgingly. I very much doubt he would have tried to ‘fix’ things and would NEVER suggest counselling. The problem with this along with most couple counselling is that people are going in with different expectations and concerns. His girlfriend is going withthe hope that things will change and the bumps in the road will flatten out. I quietly believe that she hopes that he’ll finally pop the question too. His reason for going is to appease her, keep things harmonious and the hope that she will understand him better. They both have a desire for their needs to be met unfortunately there not the same.

How often does the relationship need fixing? Are we tryingto find flaws that don’t actually exist? I think we’ve become conditioned to TV programs, society and all the self help books available. Women portray a large number when it comes to the readership of relationship books. This puts an indirect pressure on women to be the ones to fix things. Women spend more time talking and listening about relationships and are more nurturing by nature. Maybe this constant striving to fix everything comes from the desire to have a happy relationship

I’ve read time and time again that men are quite simple. Thisis evident in their approach to fixing a relationship. Men will either accept usand the relationship for what it is or they won’t. Yes it’s as simple as that! Oh how we could save ourselves a lot of heartache if we didn’t get into relationships with the mind set that ‘I can change/ fix him’. I’m guilty of this tendency and it only left me very frustrated.  It may start off subtlety and before you know it you’re trying to change everything about the man/ relationship you once claimed to like. I’m not suggesting people don’t change but when faced with the facts you have to accept them for who they are. As Dr Phill once said 'You can’t fix someone or a relationship if the other person doesn’t acknowledge there’s a problem'.  


  1. All the words that I read in this article are all important and valuable. Learning those facts are an amazing guide to know how to make a relationship last.

  2. Many people may find it easy to talk with friends, partners or colleagues about the changes they wish to make. Sometimes however that may not be possible particularly if there is concern about how that individual may react or if the listener no matter how good a friend, simply does not understand. In those circumstances it may be useful to consider talking with someone outside of our usual network. Visit Basingstoke Counselling website for more info.


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