Tuesday, February 21, 2012

5 Things Couples Do Too Soon

We all recall the wave of emotions we feel when getting into a new relationship. There’s the constant high within the honeymoon period and excitement of things to come. Understandably everyone’s optimistic at this time and hopes to have a long future with their partner. Nevertheless it’s important not to make any hasty decisions and rush into things. Don’t let emotions cloud your judgement and cause you to do things rapidly. Madame Noir published a good post on things couples do too soon. Here’s a recap as well as some points I feel are important. 

1. Sex- this had to secure the number one position because sex changes EVERYTHING! Of course intimacy is important within relationships but often people rush into sex too quickly. I'm not going to delve into the emotional, physiological effects of sex; I'll save that for another post. The fact is the majority of people that are dating probably have sex within the first few weeks. Hankering gets the better of them and they just can’t resist the urges. They then mistake sex as a good foundation for a relationship. How strongly you’re attracted to a person won’t guarantee a fulfilling relationship with them. You’d be surprised how many people get intimate way too quickly and then hope that the other elements of the relationship match their sex life.

2. Live Together. Some people debate that couples that live together are testing the waters for when they get married and that it’s a sign of commitment. While others view it as having your cake and eating it and that it pushes some couples into an area of comfort that they just fall into. It depends what you want from the relationship and what your beliefs, expectations are? While you may live together there's still no guarantee that your partner won't up and leave. Living together too soon can put too much pressure on a new relationship. You’re still getting to know one another and don’t need the added pressure of constantly being in each other’s space.

3. Buying Gifts. I'm not against sharing gifts but I don't feel it's appropriate within a few weeks of dating. Buying gifts is a nice gesture but it depends what the motives are for giving them especially if it’s expensive. Yes this person may be generous and want to show their appreciation for you but what’s the rush? Is it because you want the person to like you and the only way you believe they'll do that is through spending money on them? Buying gifts can put indirect pressure on the other person to match what your dong. I associate buying gifts with someone I'm in a long and meaningful relationship with and always raise an eyebrow when gifts are brought too soon.

 4. Prioritize Each Other. There's nothing wrong with putting your partner first just don't do it too early within the relationship. You used to keep your weekends free to chill with friends or have some me time and now find yourself constantly putting your partner’s needs and desires before your own. You double check whether your partner has something planned before you commit to anything. Be careful not to lose your friends over someone you've been dating a few weeks. It’s important that you still have a life as its early days and there are no guarantees that the relationship will work.

5. Expecting Too Much Too Soon. You've been dating for a month and already you want to change the status on your Facebook. Want to meet the parents and go off on holiday together. Slow your roll! There's no rush and this urgency can end up pushing people away and come across as desperate. Keep your expectations in check.

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