Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Should You Get Back With Your Ex?

It's a scenario we've all encountered. We split up with our partner and begin to wander whether the right decisions were made. Getting back with your ex can seem like the greatest thing at first, the butterflies and no more lonely nights. What often happens is once the honey moon period dies down the same problems that drove you both apart resurface. Just because you miss someone doesn’t mean you’re meant to be together.
Splitting up with someone a second time round can be more painful than the first. You get used to your own space and independence again. You've put those emotions to one side and can slowly hear your exes name without feeling uncomfortable.

I recall when I split up with an ex a feeling of extreme loneliness, wandering what I was going to do with myself. The little things you take for granted, speaking on a regular basis. Those summer days in the park, etc. The relationship ended for a number of reasons plus the fact that we just got on each others nerves. Never the less a few years later we started talking again, began to meet up and decided to give things another shot. Surprise, surprise a few months later the problems re-emerged. The underlying issues were still their and couldn't be smoothed over. We'd grown apart and wanted different things from life. The physical/ emotional attraction simply wasn't enough.

Before jumping back into a relationship with your ex there’s a few things you need to ask yourself.

Is it jealousy? Your ex has moved on and started a new relationship, yet you’re still pining over him. All the things that worked your last nerve your willing to bypass as long as he’s not with someone else. I wouldn’t recommend this. We often reminisce on the good times and push the negatives to the back of our mind. The same issues that split you up the first time round will more than likely arise. Depending on how long you've been separated and the reasoning behind the relationship breakdown.

Then there’s the daunting idea of dating again. After being in a relationship we sometimes forget about how long the dating process can be. It can prove difficult to meet like minded new people. Getting back with an ex can be deemed as the lazy option. You’re comfortable, it’s easy. You know each other well and while this person may not make you happy. Some people would rather this alternative than getting to know someone new.

Is it a case of loneliness? It takes time adjusting to your own space again. I know a few people that would rather be in a destructive relationship than alone. This is never a good reason to take someone back. If you cant face being alone then you need to address why that is. Being by your self isn’t such a bad thing. It gives you space to grow in confidence. You learn more about your character and what it is you want from life etc.

Of course things aren’t always black and white. There are a number of factors why people decide to end their relationships. Some people get back with their exes and live happily ever after. Just be warned that second time relationship will take a lot of hard work and honesty.

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