Tuesday, July 5, 2011

You Can't Help Who You Love!

Do we put too much pressure on women to leave their husbands? Maybe we impose a set of high standards that none of us can guarantee we'd follow ourselves if we were put in the same situation. Footballers are  endlessly splattered in the press for their extra marital affairs. I admit when I heard the latest shenanigans with Ryan Giggs my first thought was that his wife will surely leave him now? Of course there are 3 sides to every story, his, hers and the truth and the majority of us have only heard her side thus far. None the less I was quick to formulate an opinion on the subject and vowed if it was me I'd be out the door. Once the trust is broken it can be quite a challenge to fix it especially if my partner keeps falling at the same hurdle.

I had a discussion at work with a female colleague and she made me reflect on how quick we are to judge the Wives And Girlfriends. Coolen Rooney, Toni Terry and Abbey Clancy all stood by their men. They took their vows seriously...for better or worse. I mentioned that surely you'd kick your man to the kerb if it was you. Her response was that we don't know what goes on behind closed doors. There's a lot more to these stories than we see/hear. I guess she has a point.

A friend of mine mentioned that the lifestyle they become accustomed too is addictive. To lead a semi normal life after a divorce from a high profile footballer must take some serious adjustment. Not to mention it must be a tad lonely. I'm guessing they have a small tight knit circle of friends and even then you have to be weary of the people you allow in your life. Not everyone will be happy for you. They may not have to work a regular 9-5, although looking after children and a house can feel like a full time job within itself . My point is you become accustomed to this life, it becomes all you know. Your family, few friends (you can really trust ) and partner are you all have. Some women would rather stay with an unfaithful man then make a break and start over, add children to the mix and a it's a different ball game.

The latest news is that Cheryl Cole has rekindled the romance with her ex husband. I can't say I'm surprised and I guess it's none of my business really. Each person has to decide for themselves what truly makes them happy and for Cheryl, Ashley seems to be a ruling factor. Some would deem her foolish for giving it another go but only she can decide what's best for her. I don't believe Cheryl ever stopped loving her ex husband this was evident in the Piers Morgan interview she did last year.

I don't think she ever wanted a divorce but crumbled under the pressure of the media, her advisers, family and friends. Whilst they're looking out for her best interests she has to make the decisions for her self. Cheryl feels that Ashley is her soul mate, this is another stumbling block in the moving on process. She can't see herself with anyone else. I think she tried to convince herself she could do that with Derek (if they were ever in a relationship). The problem is that your constantly comparing that person. Trying to force yourself to be someone your not. Pretending to be happy when silently your thoughts drift off to your ex.

We know our emotions can over rule all logic. A guy I dated when in my teens was worse than Ashley Cole. I predict he's probably slept with the whole of the city. The fact is I stayed after the rumors. Stayed when I heard he'd slept with so and so. I went back when I found out he got a another girl pregnant. Why? because I thought I was in love, I couldn't see myself with anyone else. I didn't know there were men out there that would treat me ten times better. Even though the pain hurt so bad I convinced myself that I was his number one girl. That he'd change and settle down with me. The fact is my self worth was non existent back then and there comes a point when you have to say I'm not taking this ish no mo. Yes I felt stupid, weak and naive for staying with a man who clearly didn't respect me but I convinced myself it could work. There was a constant battle between my head and emotions and my emotions won every time hence why I stayed for so long. Fortunately my every move wasn't scrutinised by the press.

It gets harder the older you get, your less willing to take risks with your heart. The idea of endless dating trying to find the right match can be tiresome. It's so much easier to stick with what you know, can't beat comfort. Plus we tend to forget the hurt that this person caused, it's been so long that all you have to cling onto is the happy times, the fond memories, the laughter, the affection and you want it back with that person...cue Ashley Cole.

Does love conquer all? Surely Cheryl know Ashley better than we do. Doesn't she deserve happiness and if Ashely is a source of that who are we to criticise? If he does hurt her again that's a risk Cheryl is clearly willing to take. As she once sang you gotta fight for this love!

1 comment:

  1. I think she did take her vows seriously hence why Cheryl forgave him after his first indiscretion, he then did it again and he was rightly shown the door. No one can accuse her of not trying, why go back to something when it is over especially something as final as going through a divorce?

    In my opinion the wags never seem to even consider leaving the men who have humiliated them. They take their wedding ring off for a few days and then the next thing you see them canoodling on holiday and it is business as usual. The women may be applauded for staying and honouring their vows but what about the men don't marriage vows also mention "forsaking all others".

    Somehow I don't think men would be so forgiving if the tables were turned women are almost expected to forgive a mans indiscretions and if she doesn't then it is her who is the cause of the marriage breakdown not him....

    I don't believe love conquers all does there not come a point where you self respect and happiness become far more important. Especially if this person who claims to love you continually disrespects you? I think that saying is utter b.s to be honest and in this case is used to excuse mens shitty behaviour.

    How many chances do you give someone? Before you say enough is enough.

    I think if you stay with someone after they have cheated you have set the benchmark of the crap behaviour you will now put up with....

    I think we all experience at some point in our life experience crap treatment at the hands of people we love/like whatever but like I was told people can only treat you the way you allow them to.


Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...