Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Friends With Benefits.

Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis star in the upcoming film ‘Friends with Benefits’. The storyline follows two friends whose relationship gets complicated when they decide to add intimacy to the mix. Casual relationships are usually based on physical intimacy; at least they start off that way. Both male and female will have had the discussion that they’re not looking for a relationship for what ever reason known to them. The truth is that whilst being intimate there are some emotional needs being met. I’ve heard both men and women say they feel more open after being intimate with someone. The more frequently you have sex with your ‘friend’ the more emotionally attached you become. Kind of ironic considering friends with benefits aren’t usually associated with emotional attachment.

Both male and female often convince themselves they’re happy in a casual relationship. That they can control their emotions and feelings, that they won’t get in too deep and can get out when ever they want. I think this is rarely the case. Some people go on to stay in casual relationships for years on end. What they thought they wanted has changed and the intimacy they crave has become a drug. 

I think women tend to get the short straw in these situations, only because we view sex differently to men. Our emotions become involved and we start to make decisions based on feelings. Some most women will entertain the thought of having a relationship with a man after being intimate (men do it too but I don’t think they dwell on it as much). It's usually for the wrong reasons as they’ve shared something special and may have convinced themselves that he could be a good partner. I've stated in past posts that a guy knows from the get go whether he wants a relationship with you or not. Many women stay in the friends with benefits zone hoping the male will eventually come to the realisation that they now want a relationship.

My friend shared his views on casual relationships. He stated that it’s a nice feeling (sex) that this woman gives me. It doesn’t mean I want a relationship with her she just makes me feel good. He stated that it’s easy; no strings attached and can often become addictive. He also mentioned that men like women sometimes confuse their feelings when it comes to sex.

I don’t believe both parties are ever really happy with this set up. It may start off fun but further down the line someone’s going to get hurt. They'll always want more than the other person can give them. Let's not forget that as its casual people are open to sleep with multiple partners. This doesn't tend to go down too well but you both agreed in the beginning stages that this is what you both wanted. Pride comes into play as you don't want to seem like the one that got sucked in and caught feelings. Communication breaks down because you stop being honest about how you really feel.

It must be conflicting for a guy to see the woman he’s having a casual relationship craving more than he can give her. Some would say he’s selfish, he can’t give her what he wants so why is he still sleeping with her. Others would argue if it’s causing that much emotional distress then the woman should put her foot down and break out of this vicious cycle.

I don’t believe friends with benefits ever work. Deep down one person is unsatisfied with the situation. If you can be intimate with someone on that level then surely you can have a relationship with them no?

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