Tuesday, March 1, 2011

3 Approaches That Won't Make Him Commit

There are many women desperately wanting their casual relationships to turn into something more serious. At some stage we all want someone who’s committed to being with us on a physical, mental, emotional, and even spiritual level. When women find a guy they like and are dating. She will visualize their future, mentally planning a life together. Men don’t do this from the get go unless they know that you’re a keeper. Some men are happy to date for years on end and not commit. If you can have your cake and eat it why would you? Men know from the get go whether they want a committed relationship with you. I guess they’ll feel something on an emotional level that will let them know I want her and only her. You’ll be able to tell as he'll be the one pushing for the long term commitment. 

We as women convince ourselves that if we just bide our time he’ll eventually come round. This can often work and if that fails we resort to one of the 3 approaches below.  I advise you don’t, here’s why…..

You try and convince him. Convincing doesn’t work. It really doesn’t! Yes we all feel we’re the best thing since sliced bread, supportive, have a lot to offer and that we’ll make great partners. However if the person your dating can’t see that for themselves. Convincing them won’t make any difference. It’s too pushy and has the scent of desperation. I’ve done the whole I’m a good catch speech, you’ll realize when I’m gone (I should have got an Oscar). Did it make any difference…no! Trying to convince a man that he wants to be in a relationship with you will actually make him want it less. FACT! 

Withholding your feelings. It can feel emotionally draining to give so much of yourself to someone and not feel you’re getting much in return. You shouldn’t act on the premise that I’m going to start with holding my feelings and thoughts because I’m not getting the connection I want. This not only hinders you from being truthful and gaining what you can from the relationship but it stirs up the feeling of distrust in a man. No one likes game playing. He’s going to feel frustrated and will eventually stop trying to win your inconsistent affections. It is not a trade off. If I share x then he must show y in return. It doesn’t work like that. 

You give him ultimatums. This approach NEVER, EVER works! Not only are you putting unnecessary pressure on the relationship and each other but you could be setting yourself up for a fall. Men can be very stubborn and most time haven’t gone to that place where they have explored their feelings yet. I keep reminding myself that men and women are very different when it comes to relationships. Women analyze most things on an emotional level, men don’t! While ultimatums push for answers it might not be the response you want. Putting people on the spot usually pushes them to act quickly and rush into a decision there not happy with. A man who feels pressured into making a decision will only feel resentful and not vested in the relationship. I for sure definitely want a man who wants to be committed with me because he discovered it for himself. Not because I told him he has a certain amount of time or I’m out the door. 


1 comment:

  1. You're right, these are terrible techniques, and never get a man to truly commit. I've known a few women that did get engaged through begging and ultimatums, but they were stalling tactics--not true commitment and the still haven't made it down the aisle.


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