6 Signs Your Partners Scared Of Commitment

Many of us will have encountered meeting that special person who can’t seem to commit. I recollect an associate of mine, in his late forties who expressed a desire to get married but couldn't commit within his relationships. Does this sound familiar? While society portrays it’s mainly men that are commitment phobes, women struggle with this issue to. Ironically the person who fears a committed relationship is the one who craves it the most. Below are a few signs that indicate the person you’re dating is scared of taking the relationship to the next level. 

1. This person wants a relationship but also wants freedom and space. They're usually attracted to long distance relationships and busy independent types. The book 'He's Just Not That showed an example of a young woman that dated a guy that wouldn't make time for her. He led a busy lifestyle and would often squeeze her in-between work and meetings. Be wary of a person that wants 100% commitment from you but can’t give the same in return. This will only lead to frustration and resentment.

2. They don't tell anyone about you. I know you don't have to profess your relationship status to the world immediately, but there comes a point when you’re nearest and dearest should know. Some people are simply private while others want to portray that there single and ready to mingle. When you’re truly happy and secure within a new relationship you can't help but tell your best friend, a family member, somebody…anybody. If after a few months he/she hasn't told at least one person about you, be concerned. This could indicate that they don't want anyone to know you exist as they’re not sure of their feelings, they’re scared or simply keeping their options open.

3. They avoid going out with you and your friends. Your friends and family will offer up thoughts about your new beau with or without your consent. They’ll also be able to see red flags that you can’t due to the love goggles. If a person doesn’t want to commit, they won’t get too involved in your world i.e. hang out with friends, getting to know your hobbies and interests, etc. Doing so will indicate some form of attachment. Attachment doesn’t bode too well with commitment phobes.  Meeting family often forces a person into addressing how they really feel. There’ll always be that aunt/ father asking so what are your intentions? Cue awkward silence…..

4. Vague about their feelings. Some folks find it difficult problem conveying their feelings and come across vague and disconnected. If they can't acknowledge how they feel through words I’d like to think their actions will speak volumes. If you’re not seeing any concrete signs of progression then maybe they just don’t care enough about you. You know within yourself when something feels a bit off. Even if you’re not ready for children, marriage or living together you should know whether you want this person in your life and whether you can be there for them wholeheartedly not when it suits you.

5. They wont allow the relationship to go and don't have any intentions of doing so. I consider this as having your cake and eating it. In other words it’s selfish, because you’re constantly putting your needs before your partners. You can’t commit to the relationship but won’t let the other person go. If you know you can’t give your other half what they want why string them along and let them fall deeper in love with you? Be wary of this as it’s all a form of control. I’ve had friends say they were optimistic and felt they could give more of themselves to the person when in reality they couldn’t. Yet they had no intention of getting out of the relationship. No one wants to be alone but its better for both parties if you just be honest.

6. They hate planning ahead because that means commitment. There was a time when I dated a guy that would not commit to any plans. The simplest proposals of going to the cinema or dinner were always greeted with I’ll let you know. Huh?!?! A simple yes or no would have suited me fine at least that way I would have known where I stood. These were all excuses he’d use because he didn’t want to go out with me. Do not be fooled by inconsistent behaviour and don’t make excuses for it. If the person you’re with constantly blows hot and cold and has you questioning whether you’re dating two different people I suggest you reflect on what’s keeping you there in the first place.

These aren't definitive guidelines but points to be aware of. Some men/ women will display bad behaviour so that you have no choice but to leave. The end result…no commitment! Then you’re left with the guilt of ending the relationship. Take the time to get to know a person, LISTEN to the words they use on a daily basis. If you choose to continue a relationship with someone who displays non committal behaviour it’s at your own risk. You’ll eventually get to a point where the good memories are replaced with bitterness.

5 Reasons It's Difficult To Be Friends With Your Ex

I'm not saying that you and your ex can never be friends but in the beginning stages its impossible and rare. Here are 5 reasons why....

1.     Intimacy Once you've been intimate with a person it's very hard to go back to being 'just friends'. Casual sex with someone you've been in a relationship with is looking for trouble. Intimacy with someone over a long period of time will only increase feelings including men. Why would this change because the title of girlfriend/boyfriend has gone? Just yesterday I was speaking to a male friend about the assumption that because women are more emotional it's always us that will get affected the most. I know there are men out there getting stung just as bad as females because of the friends with benefits situation. Friends with benefits only confuses the situation further. Comfort zone can also lead to danger zone.

2.     The Dumper A break up is never mutual! I don't get why people say that? I guarantee that one half of the couple would have continued to try to make things work. Even if they knew in their heart that you've come to the end of the road (cue Boyz II Men) they would have stuck it out. One person will always hold onto the idea of the relationship. More than likely the person whose been dumped. They may not admit it but I assure you this is the case. How can you have a friendship when feelings are still strong? This leads me to the next point.

3.     Feelings They don't change just because we're not together. Even if your partner cheated or was abusive. The anger you feel will disperse and the feelings will remain. I would always find it difficult to converse with an ex on the phone fresh off the back of a break-up. I became used to acting a certain way and answering the phone with 'Hey baby'....oh yeah I can't say that any more. You can no longer be as open and free as you used to be once the relationships ended. It all gets so messy. You find yourself questioning how you should act as we're now 'friends'. 

4.     Moving Forward Can you really move on with your life if that ex is still around? I say no simply because that person has emotional memories attached to them. Every time that person laughs or does certain mannerisms it's a reminder of what used to be. There's nothing worse than an innocent action of your ex being misinterpreted into maybe they still have feelings for me. The more time you spend with your ex sooner or later your guard will come down and you'll be back to square one. Hence the reason why a clean break is the best way forward. Yes it’s painful but in the long run it works. If I'm trying to remain friends with my ex it may mess up any new relationships. I'll end up insisting that they don't match up when really they're just not my ex. Someone is going to get hurt further because they've tried to convince themselves they can remain friends.

5.     Jealousy  We all know that feeling when our ex partner has moved on and found some one new. It can feel like your partner is leaving you behind and that the chapter has closed. You may feel their acting cold and didn't care much if they could move on so quickly. The last thing you want to hear when you and your ex converse is that they had a great evening with their beau. There will always be a level of secrecy as you can't be yourself. You now feel you have to take you exes feelings into consideration. Some people may feel like they can't go on and live their life in fear of not caring.  

I know there are number of reasons why you can be friends with your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend. However unless you had a really great friendship before you got together I think its difficult. I've always had to go cold turkey when my relationships ended. It's the only way I was able to move on with my life. Time has passed and if I bump into any of my ex boyfriends there's no animosity. We can have the rare phone conversation but does this mean we're friends? 

That's my opinion what are your thoughts?