6 Signs Your Partners Scared Of Commitment

Many of us will have encountered meeting that special person who can’t seem to commit. I recollect an associate of mine, in his late forties who expressed a desire to get married but couldn't commit within his relationships. Does this sound familiar? While society portrays it’s mainly men that are commitment phobes, women struggle with this issue to. Ironically the person who fears a committed relationship is the one who craves it the most. Below are a few signs that indicate the person you’re dating is scared of taking the relationship to the next level. 

1. This person wants a relationship but also wants freedom and space. They're usually attracted to long distance relationships and busy independent types. The book 'He's Just Not That showed an example of a young woman that dated a guy that wouldn't make time for her. He led a busy lifestyle and would often squeeze her in-between work and meetings. Be wary of a person that wants 100% commitment from you but can’t give the same in return. This will only lead to frustration and resentment.

2. They don't tell anyone about you. I know you don't have to profess your relationship status to the world immediately, but there comes a point when you’re nearest and dearest should know. Some people are simply private while others want to portray that there single and ready to mingle. When you’re truly happy and secure within a new relationship you can't help but tell your best friend, a family member, somebody…anybody. If after a few months he/she hasn't told at least one person about you, be concerned. This could indicate that they don't want anyone to know you exist as they’re not sure of their feelings, they’re scared or simply keeping their options open.

3. They avoid going out with you and your friends. Your friends and family will offer up thoughts about your new beau with or without your consent. They’ll also be able to see red flags that you can’t due to the love goggles. If a person doesn’t want to commit, they won’t get too involved in your world i.e. hang out with friends, getting to know your hobbies and interests, etc. Doing so will indicate some form of attachment. Attachment doesn’t bode too well with commitment phobes.  Meeting family often forces a person into addressing how they really feel. There’ll always be that aunt/ father asking so what are your intentions? Cue awkward silence…..

4. Vague about their feelings. Some folks find it difficult problem conveying their feelings and come across vague and disconnected. If they can't acknowledge how they feel through words I’d like to think their actions will speak volumes. If you’re not seeing any concrete signs of progression then maybe they just don’t care enough about you. You know within yourself when something feels a bit off. Even if you’re not ready for children, marriage or living together you should know whether you want this person in your life and whether you can be there for them wholeheartedly not when it suits you.

5. They wont allow the relationship to go and don't have any intentions of doing so. I consider this as having your cake and eating it. In other words it’s selfish, because you’re constantly putting your needs before your partners. You can’t commit to the relationship but won’t let the other person go. If you know you can’t give your other half what they want why string them along and let them fall deeper in love with you? Be wary of this as it’s all a form of control. I’ve had friends say they were optimistic and felt they could give more of themselves to the person when in reality they couldn’t. Yet they had no intention of getting out of the relationship. No one wants to be alone but its better for both parties if you just be honest.

6. They hate planning ahead because that means commitment. There was a time when I dated a guy that would not commit to any plans. The simplest proposals of going to the cinema or dinner were always greeted with I’ll let you know. Huh?!?! A simple yes or no would have suited me fine at least that way I would have known where I stood. These were all excuses he’d use because he didn’t want to go out with me. Do not be fooled by inconsistent behaviour and don’t make excuses for it. If the person you’re with constantly blows hot and cold and has you questioning whether you’re dating two different people I suggest you reflect on what’s keeping you there in the first place.

These aren't definitive guidelines but points to be aware of. Some men/ women will display bad behaviour so that you have no choice but to leave. The end result…no commitment! Then you’re left with the guilt of ending the relationship. Take the time to get to know a person, LISTEN to the words they use on a daily basis. If you choose to continue a relationship with someone who displays non committal behaviour it’s at your own risk. You’ll eventually get to a point where the good memories are replaced with bitterness.

Why Men Marry Some Women And Not Others Part 3

I’m continuing with the topic, why men marry some women and not others. Last week I looked at what kind of man falls into the marrying kind category. This week’s focus is on first impressions and why they're important. What goes through a man’s mind when he lays eyes on you because he’ll definitely be thinking something? It doesn’t mean he automatically fancies you but he will be weighing up whether he finds you attractive, likes your smile, shoes, is intrigued by what you have to say or doesn’t like you at all.

Men are attracted to the physical but marry character. That’s right ladies it's your character that will promote you to wifey status. What does your personality say about you? Do you have a stank attitude? Does it hurt every muscle in your face to smile? Are you family orientated? Are you a miserable person to be around? Men will secretly observe how you carry yourself. 

Physical attraction plays a large part in relationships/ marriage. It’s not the B all and end all but it is significant. You may be compatible on several levels but without physical attraction you won’t notice each other. I’m not suggesting your partner has to look like a model but there needs to be some form of attraction. Sex is important within marriage and if you don’t find your partner attractive then surely this will go on to affect your sex life?

In a survey couples were asked if physical attraction matters. While most women agreed that the emotional connection is way more important than the physical, but nonetheless physical attraction matters. For men, the need for physical compatibility is very high. 

John’s research found that : Newly engaged men said that what attracted them to their fiancées was how classy, positive, energetic, enthusiastic, and upbeat their future wives were.  

While 68% gave a physical description of their fiancée, only 20% said that what attracted them was how gorgeous and sexy their fiancée was. Over 60% described their personalities, even if the women in question were very beautiful. 

Ladies dress appropriately! This sends out the message, “I am wife material.” Men marry women they perceive as “situational virgins” who move easily in their world.  I confess as a teenager I dressed provocatively whilst clubbing. I felt the more skin on show the more attention I’d get (for the wrong reasons). I had low self-esteem and hid my lack of confidence by dressing in an overtly sexy manner. While this may bag you a man I can’t guarantee it will keep him.

  

Research also showed that men view scanty outfits as an invitation to sex. They decide within 10 minutes of meeting a woman if she’s appropriate for marriage, or just for a casual affair. You can be sexy and classy at the same time. It leaves a lasting impression and your outfit can’t be misconstrued if it’s got a touch of class. 

Thoughts….