4 Reasons Men Don't Hate The Single Life As Much As Women.

 

There seems to be this idea that men are more content being single than women. I know both sex’s desire relationships but I do feel that men deal with the single life better. Women tend to vocalize their need for a relationship more because it’s at the forefront of their minds and society deems unattached women as outcasts more often than men. Women are constantly reminded about the biological clock and crave a family men don’t have this kind of pressure.

Evan Marc Katz wrote an interesting piece on the subject. Below are 4 reasons women hate being single compared to men.

SEX - this may seem hard to digest but there are some men who don’t desire to have the same kind of relationship that women do. Some of your needs are being met i.e. spending lots of time together with the hope that it turns into a serious relationship. He has other plans in mind and you’ll find that the relationship is often on his terms. When you’re together it’s good but once you’ve gone it’s out of sight out of mind. Why you ask? Probably because his needs are being met throughout his career, friendships, hobbies etc. Feelings will always grow the longer you’re intimate with someone but it doesn't mean it will develop into a relationship. Plus there’s less stigma around men having casual sex.

EXPECTATIONS- I believe women have greater expectations whilst dating and inadvertently put pressure on the men and themselves. Men can date casually and not get attached; this is much harder for women. Men often go into dating relaxed with the notion of having fun getting to know you. Women on the other hand go in with higher expectations hoping to find their knight in shining armour. Men are more patient with the process and are willing to accept women for who they are.

SELF- DEFINTION-  Steve Harvey said that men are defined by three things who he is (his title), what he does (his job), and how much he makes (his reward for his efforts). Women don’t function like this, not to say we are not career driven or ambitious but deep down our emotional being will override all that. Women are more likely to see their relationship as what defines them and sometimes obsess about being single. We then get lonely/ needy and start to question ourselves. Men can date multiple women and get each different need met. Women don’t like to do this and would rather have the whole package.

COMMUNICATION STYLES- I love to talk and have a great network of men/ women I can babble on to. Men don’t have the same support and tend to keep their circle smaller. Notice it’s mainly women reading self-help books and going to seminars because we have no problem admitting we need help. My girlfriends and I discuss our feelings often, it’s the norm. I’m not sure how many men openly vocalise their need for assistance.

We all have similar needs, don’t we? The longing for companionship, affection, support emotionally and mentally. Though it seems each sex deals with these needs differently. I have to agree that men find it easier being single. Thoughts?

6 Signs Your Dating The Wrong Person

We've all encountered that feeling within a relationship where something doesn't quite feel right? It’s been months and you don't seem to be progressing. Every relationship will experience highs and lows but there are a few signs that maybe the person you’re dating isn't right for you. E Harmony published a good article on this subject, below are a few points they mentioned as well as my own.

1. They're abusive. Abuse comes in many forms not just domestic violence. People underestimate the psychological damage of emotional and verbal abuse. If a person isn’t respecting you or your boundaries, constantly belittling you and demonstrating controlling tendencies you may want to asses your relationship. If you find your arguments resort to violence then there's a problem. I understand it’s not easy to just pick up your bags and leave but the first step is awareness that this is not acceptable behaviour.

2. There scared of commitment. You can't really plan for the future with someone’s who’s scared of commitment. Try having a conversation of where you hope to see the relationship in a few months time and you'll probably be greeted with an awkward silence or a change of topic. Dating a commitment phobe will often leave you very frustrated. Some obvious signs are they have a history of short relationships; they'll limit the amount of time they spend with you and treat you as a low priority. Read the signs for what they are, there’s no guarantee that your love and affection will change them.

3. You’re Not Happy. I've been in a relationship where I wasn't happy due to the points above. It becomes draining emotionally and mentally and is there for everyone to see. You can’t fake happiness no matter how much you try. If you’re not happy within your relationship it will have a knock on effect within other areas of your life.

4. Your Instincts Are Calling. Oh how I could have saved myself so much heartache if I'd trusted my intuition a bit more. That little voice inside our head is there for a reason, those doubts your feeling usually mean something. I’m not suggesting you end a relationship but you should definitely take the time to follow your intuition. Find out what it is that’s bothering you and then you’ll have grounds to make a decision. It may end up confirming something good or bad.

5. They String You Along. There’s nothing worse than being strung along. I for one hate not knowing where I stand with a guy. A classic example was with a guy I briefly dated. I'd often suggest things to do and his response would be that he'd let me know *confused face*. Majority of the time I’d be left twiddling my thumbs. Dude, just say if you can't come or don’t want to do something. If you’re in a relationship and are experiencing non committal behaviour then you may want to reevaluate whether it’s worth your time. When a person is stringing you along its anything that makes you feel powerless and out of control while the other person calls the shot.

6. They're cheating. I had to add this point as it frustrates me when men/women turn a blind eye to their partner’s endless infidelity. I understand there's a lot of factor’s including children and self- esteem issues that makes it harder to leave. However my past experiences have shown that the longer you stay and accept this behaviour the harder it is to leave. It destroys trust and the bonding between couples. 

5 Reasons Men Hate Dating.

There seems to be a recurring theme that men hate dating. I’m certain that everybody has felt uncomfortable with dating at some point in their lives, but I really want to focus on the man dem. I always presumed men who weren't in a committed relationship would embrace their freedom and date until their hearts content. If they enjoy being single and aren't looking for serious commitment then dating is a fun way to meet new people and fill that quiet Friday/ Saturday night time right?

We've all experienced that one uncomfortable question that we didn’t really want to answer on a date. Then there’s the awkward silence….hmmmmmm. The discomfort of not wanting to look at person sitting opposite you and trying to act like your perfectly comfortable with the situation. All of the above will vary depending on how well you know the person and the environment. Here are 5 reasons men don’t enjoy dating….

1. We all have a tendency to be impatient, women in particular. When we reach a certain age feel the pressures of settling down and starting a family becomes immense. Majority of the time we’ve already established that the person we’re dating is someone we’d want to enter a relationship with. We don’t always take the time to get to know someone as best as possible and rush the process. Hence some women attach themselves too quickly to a man who isn’t good for them. This behaviour can be off putting. While some men would jump at this, others may run a mile. Before everyone starts attacking me I know this works both ways. Men get attached too but remember this post is meant to be from a male perspective.

2. It’s taken too seriously.  I don’t believe men view dating as acutely as women. We will examine everything he does, things he says, his body language, etc. I feel from the get go we’re wondering does he want a relationship with me? When’s the next date? A man can always tell when a woman wants a relationship. Men go in with a more light hearted approach. The first stages of dating are not that serious! It’s an opportunity to get to know each other better and have fun. No ones talking about marriage just yet. Expectations tend to sneak in time and time again and can indirectly ruin a good occasion.   

3. It can work out to be expensive!  Now we’re living in modern times where women are open to pay halves, her way what ever. However I’m pretty sure if you’re going to continue initiating the dates there’s going to be some pressure on you to pay. Most men know that women place a high value on how a potential partner treats them from the get go. Where you go, how often you meet and your income stream will determine how costly it becomes. No one likes things done half baked. The guy you’re dating may be at a bad place financially through no fault of his own. Things happen! He’d like to take you out regularly but funds will not permit. Not all men are forthright to confess their financial situation with a woman they don’t know you that well.

4. Men are always expected to initiate (I'll explore this further in a future post). Women are becoming bold and are inclined to ask men out too, but the onus will always be on the man. You were handed that responsibility from day one. Don’t know why that’s just how it goes. Contrary to popular belief not all men are bold enough to ask you out. This is an additional headache to the whole dating process. It doesn't help that there's a stigma attached to women who ask men out.  Some females feel that men are getting the pleasure of their time plus a few benefits. Which leads onto my final point.

5. I’m not guaranteed any intimacy. Sorry to be so blunt but this is The Real Talk! Not every person you date is looking for a relationship. Some men want a person they can be intimate with no strings attached. Some women want this too and will style it out by going on a few dates so their not perceived as easy.....it’s true! There aren’t any guarantees that a man will get that level of closeness making the dating process monotonous and a waste of time. I’ve paid for all those meals and not even a kiss? What?!?!?!?  

I’m not suggesting that all men hate dating, some women hate it too. Is it because as soon as we hear the word ‘date’ there’s a level of expectancy? Do we feel we have to act a certain way and get into some form of role play? That we can't control the situation and feel we have to guess peoples intentions. Or is it simply that we’re dating the wrong people? 

5 Reasons Women Shouldn't Rush Dating.

I read a great post on 'Hello Beautiful' about how women rush the dating process. So I thought I'd touch on it this week and give my 2 pence worth. We're all supposed to enjoy 'dating' however I feel women rush the process in the aims of locking down a relationship and walking up the aisle. This is normally down to loneliness, a need to settle down and throw around the title I'm spoken for and the feeling that good men are hard to find. After a few initial dates women are quick to claim this man would be an ideal partner. How can we form this conclusion after only spending a few hours with them? We're in such a rush to move things along that we don't always get to know a person properly. Here are 5 reasons you shouldn't rush dating.

1. Take Time To Get to Know Him.

I can't stress how important it is to get to know someone as best as possible. You’ll never know someone fully but you can get as close as possible. I'd go as far as to suggest holding out on intimacy, if you can. It’s way too easy for us to paint a perfect picture whilst dating. We get up caught up in the hype and forget that whilst having fun we are trying to gauge what this person is like. I believe a person’s true colours will emerge within 3 months of getting to know someone. How do they react to disappointments, what are they like when angry? These are just a few things you need to know before starting a relationship with someone. You can't determine them after dating someone a handful of times. Take. Your. Time!

2. Don't Ignore The Warning Signs.

This is sooo important. I've discussed intuition on several occasions and its one thing you should never ignore. We let our emotions cloud what’s right in front of us. We're so determined to lock this man down that we don't listen to what he's saying. I.e. I’m not looking for anything serious right now or I don’t trust women. His actions/words may be beyond shady but because your trying to rush the dating process your ignore what’s going on. I met a guy who didn't have any friends....WARNING SIGN, couldn't control his temper....WARNING SIGN and lied habitually....DANGER.....WARNING SIGN. The fact is I could have got sucked in big time if I didn't keep my wits about me. If I was desperate for love/ a relationship I may have ignored the above and convinced myself that we could live happily ever after. Unfortunately this is what some women do and end up in doomed relationships. We can’t guarantee the outcome but you can get as many facts as possible to confirm whether it’s something you want to get into.

3. Build A Friendship First.

We've heard time and time again that the basis of a good relationship is a good friendship. Wouldn't it be great if you could have a partner like your best buddy? I often joke with my girl friend that she would be a perfect partner if she were a dude. A good friendship usually consist of communication, give and take, respect, honesty and trust. This is why I refereed to a lack of intimacy in point 1 as it speeds up the process. It prevents people building friendship first. Whilst the sex may be great you may find that without it you don’t share anything in common. Some people rush into sex and then try and base their relationships around it. It takes more than having a few things in common.

4. Don't Scare Him Away.

You know how it is when we really want something. It's not just our words that validate it but our actions. We sometimes come across desperate without realising it. Men often know what you want without you having to say anything. If you’re desperate for a relationship I guarantee the man you're dating will pick up on this sooner or later. This can be a bit off putting and you may end up pushing the guy (you’ve already set up in your mind your going to marry) your dating away. No one wants to like to feel they’ve been pressured into something.

5. Have Fun And Enjoy The Moment.

I was having a discussion recently and it seems men and women view dating very differently. Men are more likely to date for fun whilst women are there to find their perfect match. The date your on doesn't have to lead to a relationship. There’s nothing wrong with getting to know people and having fun. So if a guy asks you out don’t start compiling your check list just yet. Go with an open mind and enjoy the date. When your relaxed and having fun a guy will pick up on your happy vibes and will enjoy your company more.

Does Everybody Have A Back Up Plan?

A Back up Plan/Game is better known as a Plan B girlfriend/boyfriend and is more common than people think. It’s generally someone you’re interested in dating if you weren’t otherwise taken. We've all heard women say if I’m not married by the time I’m 30 then you’re going to be my husband/ father of my child. While some women say it in jest there are others that are deadly serious. It’s been said that harmless flirting has implications of a back up plan. E.g. ‘If we were both single at the same time’ statement comes to mind.

Everybody’s fallen into the plan B category at some point they just didn’t realise it. Isn’t it human to privately think if things don’t work out with A I’d consider dating B. Or is it only seen as wrong once in a relationship? If we could read our partners thoughts we’d probably have heart failure with some of the things we’d see. Surely thinking something isn’t so bad, it’s the acting out that becomes the problem. Then again if you think about something long and hard enough you usually act it out.

If you’re single then it’s only natural to have a plan B….even a C. You’ve got to keep your options open, right? Your back up plan could be that good friend you’ve always secretly been attracted too. He/she is the first person you call when things go wrong. They’re your personal cheer leader (supports you’re every move). Maybe your plan B is your future husband / wife?

I guess the real issues arise when the back up plan is initiated whilst in a relationship. Maybe one party isn’t getting enough attention and their ego is getting stroked by plan B. A fear of being alone may drive them to keep their options open. A lack of confidence in your relationship may resort in you not being honest, leading you to entertain certain thoughts, environments and people. It could be early days and you’re not sure how things are going to pan out. Maybe your that way inclined and like to have your cake and eat it (shrug). Or maybe because your not conscious of your actions/ thoughts?

Or is it because once in a relationship we’re expected to be on a certain level emotionally? After a certain amount of time/ years there is nothing we can’t share, our partner is 100% open with us. We should be able to confess our undying love. However along with emotional attachment is some form of emotional defence. No one wants to get hurt and some people don’t like being open to vulnerability. Whilst on the outside they’re confessing yes you’re the one inside they’re screaming I’m not so sure. This fear may be acted out in a number of ways, lying, jealousy, clinginess, emotional detachment, having that potential someone, a plan B but not acting on it.

Plan B’s aren't always clean cut. Surely the morality of a back up plan depends on your relationship status?