5 Reasons Why Men Don't Want To Get Married.

Due to popular belief society will have us believe that men are dragged down the altar kicking and screaming. Not all men think like this, some have always envisioned marriage and just wanted to wait for the right woman to come along. It could be that sudden light switch moment…ah-hah, I want to marry this woman. It could be a near death experience that pushes him up the aisle. I know a guy that proposed to his girlfriend after falling sick, it seems his illness pushed him to that next level of commitment.Then there’s those that have no desire to ever walk down the aisle.

Here are 5 reasons why some men don’t want to get married….

1. They can get sex without marriage. Society has changed big time and values have dropped. Some women use sex in the hope that it will persuade men to settle down and marry them. With more competition women feel sex is the ticket to get a man. We've all heard the saying ‘why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free’. You've got to think about what you want/ are hoping to gain from a relationship. I know it seems like slim pickings but there are men out there that will stick around without any sex whilst dating. If they don’t and it’s something of importance to you then find a guy that will.

2. They can enjoy the benefits of having a wife by living together rather than marrying. I know many couples that live together and it works well for them. It goes back to what you want out of your relationship and the importance of your principles. Some women wouldn’t dream of cohabiting before marriage. Men can get too comfortable with this set up and don’t see a need for marriage if you’re already living a ‘marital life’. If he’s not in that place mentally he won’t be ready for marriage. He may be thinking we already live together, share the car, have children. What’s getting married going to do/ change? Those cohabiting may find that you slide into marriage because it’s the obvious thing to do. Not because you want that next level of commitment. PS If you feel you need to test living together before marriage then maybe it's a sign your not ready for it?

3. You apply too much pressure. A lot of women spend too much time focusing on the nuptials and get carried away with the day itself. Women see commitment as the finish line in their lives. Some of us want to get married and we want to do it ASAP. Exerting pressure on your other half won’t help matters. It just causes headache and will make him resent having certain conversations. This kind of pressure can have the opposite effect and may have your man digging his heels in further. Ideally you would have discussed  the issue early on to see whether you share the same values and if marriage is something you BOTH foresee in the future.

4. They fear that marriage will require too many changes and compromises. Marriage is full of compromise and commitment like any relationship. It’s not 70/30 but 50/50 in which each half shares equally. Unfortunately some women get a bit of a power trip once the ring is on their finger. For some of us marriage brings a new level of expectations and they can come across indirectly in your words and behavior. Even the way you talk about marriage and the life after can be an indication of what you’re expecting from your partner. No man want's to feel like you’re going to try and change them.

5. They face few social pressures to get married. There’s less pressure on people to get married. The options are limitless allowing people to bide their time before making a decision. Some men feel they can afford to wait for the ‘perfect woman’, concentrate on their careers, save to buy a house or actively play the field.

Thoughts?!?!?

Why Men Marry Some Women And Not Others Part 2

Last week focused on women and the steps they can take in preparation for marriage. This week the spotlight shifts to the opposite sex and we explore the kind of men that want/choose to get married. Author John T Molly maintains to maximise your chances of marrying, only date the marrying kind. Apart from the obvious I wondered what type of men fall into the marrying category?

John’s research established most men will not consider marriage before they reach the age of commitment. After the age of 37-38, the chances that he’ll commit drops dramatically, after 43, it drops even more. The age varies within each group ranging from school to college etc. I believe the older you get the more set in your ways you become. I know a man in his late 40’s whose expressed the desire to get married but I often wonder if it will happen. I think the idea sounds nice but I wonder how committed he really is to marriage?

I always assumed that once men reach a certain age they’d be ready to settle down. I now realise this isn’t the case and was quite naïve to put all men in the same bracket. Following a conversation with a friend he explained how men take longer to mature emotionally. I’ve read/ heard this theory before it didn’t really sink in until a few months ago. However this doesn’t mean that a guy who is relatively younger/ older should be ruled out.

Most men will not contemplate marriage until they have been working and living as independent adults for several years. Steve Harvey touched on the mind set of men in ‘Act like a lady, think like a man’.

‘Men are driven by who they are, what they do and how much they make. No matter if a man is a CEO, a CON, or both, everything he does is filtered through his title (who he is), how he gets that title (what he does), and the reward he gets for the effort (how much money he makes). These three things make up the basic DNA of manhood- the three accomplishments every man must achieve before he feels like he’s truly fulfilled his destiny as a man.’

I underestimated how the above affects men. How they can feel less complete because they're not where they want to be financially, emotionally and residentially. You can't expect a man to get married if he’s not at the place he needs to be/ feels comfortable with? This falls into wanting to be 'complete' before making such a big level of commitment. In an ideal world my studies would be complete, my career would be on the rise and I'd be at a good place financially before getting married. However life doesn’t always pan out like that.

Men become likely to marry after they become uncomfortable with the singles scene. Contrary to popular belief not all men like to play the field. There comes a point when it gets unexciting to hang out at the bar every weekend. Men do have a biological clock, based on their desire to be an active father (especially to their sons). I rarely take into account that men have a biological clock too. There’s always so much focus on women that men get pushed to the side.

Other key facts.

• Men often marry women whose religion, politics, values, and socioeconomic status match theirs
• Men whose friends and siblings are married are more likely to marry
• 60% of the newly married men reported that they had a friend who had married within the last year.
• Those men who didn't have any married male friends were 2-3 times as likely to say that they weren't ready to marry
• The majority of men who had seen their friends get married said that if they met the right woman, they’d think seriously about getting married 

The study also touched on marriage avoiders. They tend to fall in the below grouping.

Men who see marriage as a financial arrangement in which women have the most to gain.

Men who live with their parents.

Men who worry about losing their freedom.

Don’t want children.

Believed that singles have better sex lives than those who are married.