5 Reasons Why Men Don't Want To Get Married.

Due to popular belief society will have us believe that men are dragged down the altar kicking and screaming. Not all men think like this, some have always envisioned marriage and just wanted to wait for the right woman to come along. It could be that sudden light switch moment…ah-hah, I want to marry this woman. It could be a near death experience that pushes him up the aisle. I know a guy that proposed to his girlfriend after falling sick, it seems his illness pushed him to that next level of commitment.Then there’s those that have no desire to ever walk down the aisle.

Here are 5 reasons why some men don’t want to get married….

1. They can get sex without marriage. Society has changed big time and values have dropped. Some women use sex in the hope that it will persuade men to settle down and marry them. With more competition women feel sex is the ticket to get a man. We've all heard the saying ‘why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free’. You've got to think about what you want/ are hoping to gain from a relationship. I know it seems like slim pickings but there are men out there that will stick around without any sex whilst dating. If they don’t and it’s something of importance to you then find a guy that will.

2. They can enjoy the benefits of having a wife by living together rather than marrying. I know many couples that live together and it works well for them. It goes back to what you want out of your relationship and the importance of your principles. Some women wouldn’t dream of cohabiting before marriage. Men can get too comfortable with this set up and don’t see a need for marriage if you’re already living a ‘marital life’. If he’s not in that place mentally he won’t be ready for marriage. He may be thinking we already live together, share the car, have children. What’s getting married going to do/ change? Those cohabiting may find that you slide into marriage because it’s the obvious thing to do. Not because you want that next level of commitment. PS If you feel you need to test living together before marriage then maybe it's a sign your not ready for it?

3. You apply too much pressure. A lot of women spend too much time focusing on the nuptials and get carried away with the day itself. Women see commitment as the finish line in their lives. Some of us want to get married and we want to do it ASAP. Exerting pressure on your other half won’t help matters. It just causes headache and will make him resent having certain conversations. This kind of pressure can have the opposite effect and may have your man digging his heels in further. Ideally you would have discussed  the issue early on to see whether you share the same values and if marriage is something you BOTH foresee in the future.

4. They fear that marriage will require too many changes and compromises. Marriage is full of compromise and commitment like any relationship. It’s not 70/30 but 50/50 in which each half shares equally. Unfortunately some women get a bit of a power trip once the ring is on their finger. For some of us marriage brings a new level of expectations and they can come across indirectly in your words and behavior. Even the way you talk about marriage and the life after can be an indication of what you’re expecting from your partner. No man want's to feel like you’re going to try and change them.

5. They face few social pressures to get married. There’s less pressure on people to get married. The options are limitless allowing people to bide their time before making a decision. Some men feel they can afford to wait for the ‘perfect woman’, concentrate on their careers, save to buy a house or actively play the field.

Thoughts?!?!?

It's So Hard To Say Goodbye.

Ending a relationship is never easy. The fact that things have come to an end along with the upheaval of emotions makes it hard. Honesty is the best policy but it can be difficult trying to figure out a way to avoid a lot of damage. The majority of breakups involve one partner who isn't quite ready for the relationship to end. This only reinforces my assumption that no break up is amicable. It doesn't mean things always turn nasty but I doubt both parties wanted the relationship to end. 


I believe fear is the main reason individuals stay in unhealthy relationships. We hate the thought of being alone. Even when our mate no longer makes us happy and we've grown apart we'd rather stay within our comfort zone than face the unknown. Fear will keep us rooted in unhappy relationships longer than necessary and will prevent you from moving forward in life. 

People change, grow apart and life has its fair share of challenges. We often view the end of a relationship as a failure, I certainly have. In fact we shouldn’t look it at it this way because this person once made you happy (I hope they did). Everything you gained, the good and the bad was an experience. It helped you grow and shaped you into the person you've become. Life is about moving forward and sometimes that person you were romantically involved with isn’t part of the deal. There's so much personal growth off the back of a relationship ending but we are so distraught at the time we can’t see it.  It’s such a cliché saying but TIME is definitely a healer.

This leads me onto the point that people heal and move on at different rates. Have some consideration for your ex, especially if you’re the person ending the relationship. Remember you’ve had time to digest the relationship ending and just had to muster up the courage to vocalise your decision. You’re soon to be ex-partner may not be aware of your feelings and this news will hit them hard. A level of grieving and empathy is essential before acceptance and understanding can begin.

It's essential that you’re honest with yourself and your partner. What qualities are you looking for and what qualities can you provide. If these qualities aren't being met then you shouldn't compromise your happiness. Calling it a day is never easy but it’s essential that you be kind, clear and firm. Once you’ve made the decision act on it, delaying it will only cause further heart ache. 

Why Women Feel The Need To Fix Relationships?

How many couple’s would give similar answers when asked whether things needed fixing within their relationship? What you feel needs changing and what your spouse thinks will probably differ. Considering there's two people in a relationship you’d think a couple would sit down, communicate‘effectively’ and work out what needs changing ‘together’. I think men resent when women get into super woman mode and try too fix everything themselves. A common example of women trying to fix relationships iscouples counselling (which can prove beneficial). I thought I wanted tospecialise in couples counselling but have decided against it. Counselling oneperson is challenging enough but two at the same time would prove too much for me.

My friend is attending couples counselling. He mentioned that his Mrs had suggested couples therapy on several occasions and I can only assume he finally succumbed as he speaks about the experience begrudgingly. I very much doubt he would have tried to ‘fix’ things and would NEVER suggest counselling. The problem with this along with most couple counselling is that people are going in with different expectations and concerns. His girlfriend is going withthe hope that things will change and the bumps in the road will flatten out. I quietly believe that she hopes that he’ll finally pop the question too. His reason for going is to appease her, keep things harmonious and the hope that she will understand him better. They both have a desire for their needs to be met unfortunately there not the same.

How often does the relationship need fixing? Are we tryingto find flaws that don’t actually exist? I think we’ve become conditioned to TV programs, society and all the self help books available. Women portray a large number when it comes to the readership of relationship books. This puts an indirect pressure on women to be the ones to fix things. Women spend more time talking and listening about relationships and are more nurturing by nature. Maybe this constant striving to fix everything comes from the desire to have a happy relationship

I’ve read time and time again that men are quite simple. Thisis evident in their approach to fixing a relationship. Men will either accept usand the relationship for what it is or they won’t. Yes it’s as simple as that! Oh how we could save ourselves a lot of heartache if we didn’t get into relationships with the mind set that ‘I can change/ fix him’. I’m guilty of this tendency and it only left me very frustrated.  It may start off subtlety and before you know it you’re trying to change everything about the man/ relationship you once claimed to like. I’m not suggesting people don’t change but when faced with the facts you have to accept them for who they are. As Dr Phill once said 'You can’t fix someone or a relationship if the other person doesn’t acknowledge there’s a problem'.  

Why Do Women Try To Change Men?

I guarantee every woman has tried to change their boyfriend/husband at some point in their life. I.e. the continued insistence that he throw away those brown shoes you loathe so much. Or the fact that you don’t like his current hair style and continually try to persuade him to change it back. Although some may see these are minor examples it can still be perceived as trying to change your partner.

Then there’s the extreme case when you’re dating a person notorious for cheating yet you think that by being with you he might change his ways. There’s a lot of hope riding on ‘might’. Or maybe your controlling nature has become too much. I guarantee this will have the opposite effect. If they do change it won’t last long and will only build feelings of resentment. Your partner will feel they have to suppress their real self and the behaviours you can’t stand will slowly creep back into place.

Surely when we get together with a person we’re supposed to love them for who they are in their current state. There’s nothing wrong with seeing a persons potential but don’t get with a person purely based on it. There should be strong characteristics that you like not solely what this person could become. You'll constantly have an expectation of what your partner should be like and how they should behave. When they don't match your expectations and you don't see the changes quick enough problems arise. Been there, done that, brought the t-shirt and have now burnt it.

Why would you want to change your partner? Is it because we don’t want to accept what’s right in front of us. We as women have a hard time accepting what our eyes see. Our hearts sometimes override the obvious. We sugar coat situations and live in a state of denial. We convince ourselves that we can change this person for the better. Have you considered they may not want to change?

We feel that with enough love and attention this person will change. The rewards of our heroic efforts are that he’ll appreciate me, settle down, change and we’ll live happily ever after. We believe the nagging, or the art of manipulation will cause our partners to change their ways. The problem with this is that you can't change people. I know you like to believe that you can with time but trust me you can't.

Is it because women are nurturers by nature and try to see the good in everybody? Who knows you could be playing the role of girlfriend and mother in one. Some men are more than happy with this set up. If I can sweet talk you into thinking I’ll change then I’ll run with it. There are some men who want to be mothered. Then super woman arrives thinking she can change him only to be left disappointed. Some women create a cycle that just repeats itself in the kind of man that they are drawn towards with the same results over and over again.  

You rushed into things. Hurried along with the dating process and didn’t take the time to know the person properly. Didn’t ask those all important questions. Rushed into intimacy and now your emotions are clouding your judgements. Your partner is not the person you thought he/she’d be. You thought that once you entered the relationship phase things would change. He didn’t want to spend hours on the phone before but surely he will now we’re in a relationship. He wouldn’t show P.D.A but now there’s a level of intimacy he will right?

Everybody wants to feel sought after, appreciated and loved. All your efforts of trying to change him start a state of dependency. You love being the crutch for your man and don’t mind as long as he changes in the process.

Is it out of fear? If you can’t change your spouse the underlying issue is that you may not be happy in the long run. With that conclusion big decisions have to be made. Do you stay and accept your partner for who they are or leave due to your neediness to control.

The way that is a person has been formed over time. Old habits are hard to change, even subtle bending can prove difficult.  You can’t expect to come into someones life and enforce changes. If you do then maybe you shouldn’t be with them?