Have You Let Go Of Your Ex-Partner?

Break-ups are never easy. Some days are better than others and just when you think you've moved on something happens to trigger your emotions. You find that after going cold turkey for so long you’re still pining over your ex partner. I know this feeling all too well. When past relationship’s have come to an end but I'm still yearning for what we had. Wishing we could commence where we left off even if the relationship was more damaging than good. If you’re feeling this way the chances are you may not be over your ex.

Its funny how we miss all the lovely things our exes did but conveniently forget what we disliked. Those irritable traits that drove you mad. All the hurt, wrong doings, why that person wasn't right for you gets swept under the carpet. We tend to overlook these things over time, especially when lonely. Or we try and convince ourselves that the relationship wasn't so bad. That maybe you were happy after all. It’s important to remember that the relationship ended for a reason. I’m not suggesting you constantly focus on the negatives but don’t delude yourself into thinking things were better than they were.

One of the main reasons we struggle to let go is because we feel that our ex partner is there to meet our needs. Whilst in a relationship those needs are being met (to a degree) and once the partner ship ends we feel lost. How many times have you decided to go your separate ways only to regret the decision? We forget that the person wasn’t meeting enough of our requirements hence why the relationship is no more. We often feel disappointed because things didn’t pan out as hoped. No doubt the same things you were looking for in them they were looking for in you. The result is that you feel let down.

There’s nothing wrong with these thoughts, it's natural. There is a problem if you’re in a new relationship and your constantly comparing. Just a thought or mention of their name gets you angry, or you split with your partner a long, long time ago. As there comes a point where you need to move on. I read an article about letting go recently. It stated that most time we miss certain elements, whether it’s affection, encouragement or strength. These elements are YOUR needs and you’re probably trying to find someone else to meet them. The truth is that these needs are actually within us. I feel we become dependent on our exes without realising.

 

I've heard time and time again that you need to let go of past hurts before someone new can enter your life. You have to be honest with yourself and get to the root of why you’re still harbouring feelings. Whilst your ex-partner may have messed up, you have to let it go and use it as time to reflect on yourself and get ready for future relationships. It's more than declaring that your over your ex it’s closing the door emotionally. This is why it's difficult to let go as out hurt comes in many layers and may take years to get over. Have you let go of your ex partner? 

Is It Ever Okay To Date Your Friends Ex Partner?

This is a very touchy subject. I recently spotted a quote which said 'Of course you can date the ex-partner of your friends...the question should really be is it possible to keep your friend in the process?' I received a lot of mixed responses when I posed the question. There were the obstinate No’s to the why should you step in the way of love? Here are some issues that need considering if you’re thinking of dating your friends ex.

Why do you want to date them?

I think people sometimes get caught up with the fantasy of how their friend’s relationship looks. Although they don’t know what goes on behind closed doors romanticism takes over. They want what their friend have not necessarily their partner and can’t differentiate between the two. I think we’ve all done it at some point? I’ve looked at certain friends relationships and thought aw I’d like that. Maybe this is the problem? Or is it a merely a lust situation? Does this new relationship have potential?

What's your friendship like?

I guess this is the real question, how much do you value your friendship? I have some good friends who I can’t imagine having that conversation with. Hey me and (insert name) like each other and want to see whether this friendship could progress. Some of my friends are like family and it’s just not worth the drama it may bring to the table. I’d like to think that if you ever have to cross the dating the ex partner bridge that you can be upfront and honest about the situation. There’s nothing worse than your friend hearing through the grapevine about your activities.

What are the possible outcome/consequences of your decision?

Is this person worth potentially losing a friend ship over? This question should be at the forefront of your mind. The flip side is that both parties may have healed and moved on. You and your friends ex could go on to have a long fulfilling relationship. Even if you do receive your friend’s approval the fundamentals of your friendship will change!

What were the circumstances behind the relationship ending?

If your friend ended the relationship there’s more possibility of them being okay with the situation. However if they were dumped they may still be harbouring feelings of rejection, hurt or resentment. How long were they together? The longer the relationship the more memories, emotions attached. More importantly was their closure. If not, this will make thing difficult for all parties.

People are protective.

I think this applies more to men. I believe they are more territorial and have the mind set of I’ve dated her. She was mine….hands off. Even if you do get your friends consent there are certain emotions, baggage, memories that will undoubtedly be triggered the moment he/she see’s the ex with friend.

I’m not an advocate for people dating their friends ex partners. However things are never black and white. What are your thoughts?