5 Reasons Women Stay In Bad Relationships.

I know both men and women are guilty of staying in bad relationships but this week I’m solely focusing on the ladies.  I’ve stayed in an unhealthy relationship resulting in a lack of respect, no mutual understanding, loneliness and low self-esteem. The bottom line is I wasn't happy anymore no matter how much I tried convincing myself and others that I was. It gets to a point when the relationship becomes draining emotionally and mentally and that can’t be good for either of you.

Here are 5 reasons women stay in bad relationships.

FEAR No one likes the fear of the unknown but some people struggle with it more than others. Once you’ve become dependent on each other it’s hard to leave that behind. Some women become reliant on their partners/ husbands financially and don’t want to part with the security even if the relationship is bad.

There are some women out there who’ve NEVER been single. When you’re used to constant attention/affection it can be difficult to be alone. Some women fear they won’t find another man and jump from relationship to relationship even if there not conducive.

LOVE is blind as Eve once sang. Sometimes when we’re in love we become so deluded with what’s going around us that we ignore what makes us happy and stay in unhealthy relationships. How many times have you overlooked the bad because of your love for someone? How many women get cheated on constantly but because they love their partner they stay although there’s no trust?

FAILURE I touched on this last week. No one likes that conversation, so how are things with so and so? We’re not together anymore…. *cue awkward silence*. We should never look at the ending of a relationship as a failure but a lot of people do. It can be particularly hard when families are involved, especially parents who put a lot of pressure on your relationship.

COMFORT many of us have stayed in a relationship due to comfort. The relationship may not have been the best (and don’t we all deserve the best, not perfect because perfect doesn't exist but the best you can have) but we settle because it’s comfortable and better than being alone. We tell ourselves that he’s not that bad and that it could be worse but the fact is you’re not happy. That’s a sign within itself.

NOT KNOWING WHATS OUT THERE. Some women have been with there partners since school and don’t know any different. I recall my first partner did nothing with me. I was a mere teenager at the time and didn’t know any better and thought this is as good as it gets. I thought the fact that he hardly called me was normal. That we never went to the cinema was okay, that we only discussed trivial things was cool. None of these things made me happy but I stayed longer than necessary. It’s not until I dated someone else that I realised what I’d been missing out on.  

You Can't Help Who You Love!

Do we put too much pressure on women to leave their husbands? Maybe we impose a set of high standards that none of us can guarantee we'd follow ourselves if we were put in the same situation. Footballers are  endlessly splattered in the press for their extra marital affairs. I admit when I heard the latest shenanigans with Ryan Giggs my first thought was that his wife will surely leave him now? Of course there are 3 sides to every story, his, hers and the truth and the majority of us have only heard her side thus far. None the less I was quick to formulate an opinion on the subject and vowed if it was me I'd be out the door. Once the trust is broken it can be quite a challenge to fix it especially if my partner keeps falling at the same hurdle.

I had a discussion at work with a female colleague and she made me reflect on how quick we are to judge the Wives And Girlfriends. Coolen Rooney, Toni Terry and Abbey Clancy all stood by their men. They took their vows seriously...for better or worse. I mentioned that surely you'd kick your man to the kerb if it was you. Her response was that we don't know what goes on behind closed doors. There's a lot more to these stories than we see/hear. I guess she has a point.

A friend of mine mentioned that the lifestyle they become accustomed too is addictive. To lead a semi normal life after a divorce from a high profile footballer must take some serious adjustment. Not to mention it must be a tad lonely. I'm guessing they have a small tight knit circle of friends and even then you have to be weary of the people you allow in your life. Not everyone will be happy for you. They may not have to work a regular 9-5, although looking after children and a house can feel like a full time job within itself . My point is you become accustomed to this life, it becomes all you know. Your family, few friends (you can really trust ) and partner are you all have. Some women would rather stay with an unfaithful man then make a break and start over, add children to the mix and a it's a different ball game.

The latest news is that Cheryl Cole has rekindled the romance with her ex husband. I can't say I'm surprised and I guess it's none of my business really. Each person has to decide for themselves what truly makes them happy and for Cheryl, Ashley seems to be a ruling factor. Some would deem her foolish for giving it another go but only she can decide what's best for her. I don't believe Cheryl ever stopped loving her ex husband this was evident in the Piers Morgan interview she did last year.

I don't think she ever wanted a divorce but crumbled under the pressure of the media, her advisers, family and friends. Whilst they're looking out for her best interests she has to make the decisions for her self. Cheryl feels that Ashley is her soul mate, this is another stumbling block in the moving on process. She can't see herself with anyone else. I think she tried to convince herself she could do that with Derek (if they were ever in a relationship). The problem is that your constantly comparing that person. Trying to force yourself to be someone your not. Pretending to be happy when silently your thoughts drift off to your ex.

We know our emotions can over rule all logic. A guy I dated when in my teens was worse than Ashley Cole. I predict he's probably slept with the whole of the city. The fact is I stayed after the rumors. Stayed when I heard he'd slept with so and so. I went back when I found out he got a another girl pregnant. Why? because I thought I was in love, I couldn't see myself with anyone else. I didn't know there were men out there that would treat me ten times better. Even though the pain hurt so bad I convinced myself that I was his number one girl. That he'd change and settle down with me. The fact is my self worth was non existent back then and there comes a point when you have to say I'm not taking this ish no mo. Yes I felt stupid, weak and naive for staying with a man who clearly didn't respect me but I convinced myself it could work. There was a constant battle between my head and emotions and my emotions won every time hence why I stayed for so long. Fortunately my every move wasn't scrutinised by the press.

It gets harder the older you get, your less willing to take risks with your heart. The idea of endless dating trying to find the right match can be tiresome. It's so much easier to stick with what you know, can't beat comfort. Plus we tend to forget the hurt that this person caused, it's been so long that all you have to cling onto is the happy times, the fond memories, the laughter, the affection and you want it back with that person...cue Ashley Cole.

Does love conquer all? Surely Cheryl know Ashley better than we do. Doesn't she deserve happiness and if Ashely is a source of that who are we to criticise? If he does hurt her again that's a risk Cheryl is clearly willing to take. As she once sang you gotta fight for this love!

Why Do We Always Blame The Other Woman?

Why is it that when men cheat we always blame the other woman? Yes the guy will get some stick but will more than likely be forgiven depending on the circumstances, whilst the lady involved is hated. Surely it's a two way thing? When I caught an ex of mine texting an associate, I was less than impressed. This to me was unacceptable behaviour and whilst it wasn't a deal breaker it was an easy excuse for me to end the relationship as I wasn't happy anyway. The point is whilst I was angry and didn’t talk to him for a long time I found it easier to forgive him than the girl. Every time I'd see her I'd feel a surge of anger and bitterness. My reasoning was that she knew I was in a relationship yet still entertained his advances and flirted/texted him. When it came to him my emotions overtook my anger and I eventually forgave him. Add marriage and children to the equation and it’s a whole different ball game.

One of the reasons is because it's easier. We don't want to believe that the man we love could deceive us like that. It's easier to shift the blame onto the woman than deal with the fact that your boyfriend played away. It has a lot to do with denial; we just don’t want to accept that our partner would/could cheat on us. So we shift the blame onto the woman in order to think that the man wasn't at fault. We don't want to believe that our partner rejected us...right?

Or maybe because we're so besotted with our partners and we're blinded by the facts. If we shift the blame onto the woman we won't have to face the responsibility of dealing with the issues at hand. The fact is the other woman did not drag the man to bed. I doubt she drugged him or held a gun to his head. Let’s not forget that some men lie about their relationship status. How can you blame the ‘other’ woman if she had no idea they guy was already spoken for? I bet some women do still shift the blame and convince themselves that deep down the mistress did know.

Is it because that woman has done/given your man something that he felt you couldn't. This affair has highlighted that your relationship isn’t going as strong/good as you once thought. Or because the woman may have known the guy was already in a relationship. It still doesn’t make her solely responsible.

It takes two to cheat and shifting the blame onto the woman won't change the fact that your man did the dirty. Thoughts?

Is Social Networking Bad For Relationships?.

Whilst on Twitter last week somebody posed the question, would you follow your partner on networking sites? They were inundated with responses with the overall answer being no. This led me to question whether social networking is bad for relationships. I’d like to think that if your relationship is secure, communication is on point and there’s no trust issues that social networking shouldn’t cause any problems. Of course it all depends on the individuals and whether both or one party engages in social networking. I believe it can lead to problems because…

People sometimes pretend to be something their not. It’s easy to do and very rarely leads to repercussions. I for one don’t check the validity of pictures, status updates etc. However after watching Catfish I’m a bit sceptical. How many people have stated their single only to later find out their married, what the hail? If you’re dating/ in a relationship and your partner isn’t on FB/ Twitter then your free to poke who ever you want, engage in all types of conversations and like pictures of the opposite sex. I wouldn’t be comfortable with my other half constantly liking females profile pictures....I’m just saying!

It allows people to see what you are doing ALL the time. Not everybody is comfortable with this. I’ve found out what friends are doing before they’ve had a chance to tell me thanks too Twitter and FB. Some people don’t think twice before updating their status. Let’s not forget it can be addictive and very distracting. The amount of times I’ve said I’m going to pop on FB for a few minutes. Next thing I know those minutes have turned to hours. If your partner hasn’t jumped on the social network bandwagon they may not understand why you spend so much time glued to your computer screen.

Another problem with social networking is that updates can be vague leading to various interpretations. What you deem innocent can set off a chain of emotions and paranoia to your girl/ boy friend. It’s tricky trying to determine the meaning of a cryptic tweet or FB update. It's always going to be interpreted in some way and it's not always positive.

FB and Twitter can expose strangers to your love life depending on how much information you choose too share. Not everyone is at ease with the whole world knowing the ins and outs of their relationship. Yes there are privacy settings but every time you tweet or update your FB status everyone on your timeline can see it. Some people love to snoop and are gaining information on your love life on a daily basis. Of course this isn't a negative thing. There's nothing wrong with professing you love to the world. I’m just a private person and choose not to disclose that kind of information on the web.

Everybody monitors each others behaviour. This isn’t always down to insecurities, we’re human and natural instinct is to be curious to see what others are doing including your partner. The downside of this is that it can fuel jealousy. You may not talk about your partner enough; you may not have changed your status to in a relationship. You may still converse with your ex partner, the list is endless.

I’m not suggesting you can’t have a successful relationship whilst using social networks. Like anything you’ve both got to communicate how much information your willing to share. Know each others boundaries and have a mutual respect for one another. If you have to second guess your activities whilst social networking then maybe you shouldn't be doing it.