Why is it that when men cheat we always blame the other woman? Yes the guy will get some stick but will more than likely be forgiven depending on the circumstances, whilst the lady involved is hated. Surely it's a two way thing? When I caught an ex of mine texting an associate, I was less than impressed. This to me was unacceptable behaviour and whilst it wasn't a deal breaker it was an easy excuse for me to end the relationship as I wasn't happy anyway. The point is whilst I was angry and didn’t talk to him for a long time I found it easier to forgive him than the girl. Every time I'd see her I'd feel a surge of anger and bitterness. My reasoning was that she knew I was in a relationship yet still entertained his advances and flirted/texted him. When it came to him my emotions overtook my anger and I eventually forgave him. Add marriage and children to the equation and it’s a whole different ball game.
One of the reasons is because it's easier. We don't want to believe that the man we love could deceive us like that. It's easier to shift the blame onto the woman than deal with the fact that your boyfriend played away. It has a lot to do with denial; we just don’t want to accept that our partner would/could cheat on us. So we shift the blame onto the woman in order to think that the man wasn't at fault. We don't want to believe that our partner rejected us...right?
Or maybe because we're so besotted with our partners and we're blinded by the facts. If we shift the blame onto the woman we won't have to face the responsibility of dealing with the issues at hand. The fact is the other woman did not drag the man to bed. I doubt she drugged him or held a gun to his head. Let’s not forget that some men lie about their relationship status. How can you blame the ‘other’ woman if she had no idea they guy was already spoken for? I bet some women do still shift the blame and convince themselves that deep down the mistress did know.
Is it because that woman has done/given your man something that he felt you couldn't. This affair has highlighted that your relationship isn’t going as strong/good as you once thought. Or because the woman may have known the guy was already in a relationship. It still doesn’t make her solely responsible.
It takes two to cheat and shifting the blame onto the woman won't change the fact that your man did the dirty. Thoughts?
Wow, how refreshing to read this point of view. I was always upset with the "blame it on the other women"-thing, as if men are helpless little boys and not in charge of their own decisions and the consequences of their own decisions.
ReplyDeleteI have been betrayed and, yes, I must confess, I have been the other woman as well.
When I found out about my own husband's betrayal, all kind of bad thought went through my mind, (especially if you find pictures of the other woman or meet her in a live version).
Thoughts like: "He always told me he likes it curvy, but look at that skinny bitch. So he likes to bang bones after all," or "Look at her huge milk jugs, I didn't know I was married to an udder-fetischist," or
"I wonder if she likes it riding up the backdoor - do did he have to pay her for that?" Whatever you think about the other woman, it's most probably bad. And it's quite alright to have these bad feelings about the other woman, as long as it helps you to deal with your own bruised ego - but as soon as you blame the other woman for the affair, you are on lost grounds. All you do is close your eyes from seeing the truth: That you wasted your love on a lying cheating jerk. And guess what, as long as you don't see that your man is a lying cheating jerk you have absolutely no chance of finding a nice guy.
But truth be told, the other woman is not in a better position, either. There is no single woman out there that says to herself: "Tonight I will go out and catch my self a nice married man - that should enrich my life tremendously!
The reason the other woman hooked up with your married man is, that she is damaged good herself, most probably terribly bruised from a prior relationship. So her self esteem is so low that she doesn't think she deserves better than another cheating jerk in her life. Because no woman really likes to share a man, not even with his own wife. Women that allow that to happen don't think highly of themselves, or they would clearly see that hooking up with someone else's man adds lots of drama into your life, but rarely joy or even bliss.
So quite honestly, in such a situation, both women are the victims, fooled by a man who has no idea what true love is. The best both women can do is to stop wasting their thoughts and energy on a cheating jerk and the other woman. Because unless you stop to blame the other woman and therefore refuse to acknowledge who your cheating man really is, you have no chance of finding a man who is really worthy of your love and devotion. By the way, I wrote a book about this subject, called "Make The Cougar Purr".