4 Reasons Men Don't Hate The Single Life As Much As Women.

 

There seems to be this idea that men are more content being single than women. I know both sex’s desire relationships but I do feel that men deal with the single life better. Women tend to vocalize their need for a relationship more because it’s at the forefront of their minds and society deems unattached women as outcasts more often than men. Women are constantly reminded about the biological clock and crave a family men don’t have this kind of pressure.

Evan Marc Katz wrote an interesting piece on the subject. Below are 4 reasons women hate being single compared to men.

SEX - this may seem hard to digest but there are some men who don’t desire to have the same kind of relationship that women do. Some of your needs are being met i.e. spending lots of time together with the hope that it turns into a serious relationship. He has other plans in mind and you’ll find that the relationship is often on his terms. When you’re together it’s good but once you’ve gone it’s out of sight out of mind. Why you ask? Probably because his needs are being met throughout his career, friendships, hobbies etc. Feelings will always grow the longer you’re intimate with someone but it doesn't mean it will develop into a relationship. Plus there’s less stigma around men having casual sex.

EXPECTATIONS- I believe women have greater expectations whilst dating and inadvertently put pressure on the men and themselves. Men can date casually and not get attached; this is much harder for women. Men often go into dating relaxed with the notion of having fun getting to know you. Women on the other hand go in with higher expectations hoping to find their knight in shining armour. Men are more patient with the process and are willing to accept women for who they are.

SELF- DEFINTION-  Steve Harvey said that men are defined by three things who he is (his title), what he does (his job), and how much he makes (his reward for his efforts). Women don’t function like this, not to say we are not career driven or ambitious but deep down our emotional being will override all that. Women are more likely to see their relationship as what defines them and sometimes obsess about being single. We then get lonely/ needy and start to question ourselves. Men can date multiple women and get each different need met. Women don’t like to do this and would rather have the whole package.

COMMUNICATION STYLES- I love to talk and have a great network of men/ women I can babble on to. Men don’t have the same support and tend to keep their circle smaller. Notice it’s mainly women reading self-help books and going to seminars because we have no problem admitting we need help. My girlfriends and I discuss our feelings often, it’s the norm. I’m not sure how many men openly vocalise their need for assistance.

We all have similar needs, don’t we? The longing for companionship, affection, support emotionally and mentally. Though it seems each sex deals with these needs differently. I have to agree that men find it easier being single. Thoughts?

4 Excuses Women Make For Men

Why do women perpetually make excuses for men? Is it that we don’t think we’re good enough? It’s been said that how you view yourself correlates with how you let other people treat you. Or maybe you’re scared that the relationship will end so you continue to make excuses. You convince yourself things aren’t that bad and they’ll eventually get better.  I guess acknowledgment would highlight that the relationship isn’t what it seems. Push you into making some changes and seeing that your excuses haven’t helped your partner’s behaviour.

He’s just busy! Oh how I hate this excuse. I used it frequently in the past whilst trying to convince myself that an ex was busy with work commitments. He could go a few days without contacting me and I’d use this reasoning to make myself feel better. The thought that he didn't really care was too much so I pretended things weren't that bad. Too busy should never be an excuse and shouldn't stop you from making a 5 min phone call or even sending a quick text. If he’s too busy how can you possibly have a connection and grow together. I had to face facts; I was never a priority in this man’s life! Boy does the truth hurt but it also set me free! If a man wants you he WILL make time for you.

He needs his space. Yes we all need space from time to time but when your bf is spending more time away than with you, you’ll need to reassess the situation. Maybe you’ve been guilt tripped into thinking that after all his hard work and parenting throughout the week that he deserves a few days out. Surely if he can take a few days out then you can too. I understand time apart is important and I don’t expect you to be joined at the hip every minute but if you find yourself using this excuse a lot you may be sacrificing your happiness.

He’s not a good communicator. How on earth are you going to have a god relationship if your BF doesn’t talk?!?!? I know it takes some people a while to warm up but there comes a point where enough is enough. It’s so exhausting trying to maintain a relationship when your partner shuts down and doesn’t open up about their true feelings. You’ll never know what’s going on inside his mind. Believe me you will not have the element of closeness you crave if your partner doesn't know how to communicate. PS Don’t try and convince yourself that the more open you are, the more open he’ll become. This isn’t tit for tat. I fell down that path and after a few months of being as open as the sea, my man still couldn’t express himself. See ya!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He’s just not ready yet so I’ll wait. Wait for what exactly? I thought relationships are about compromise. If you want to become exclusive and he still wants to get to know a year later you have a problem. Maybe you feel you should meet each other’s parents but he seems resistant. You want to get married and he said you’d get round to it next year but your still waiting 3 years later. You can’t force people to do things but making excuses for them won’t help either. Relationships are about compromise and if you find you’re doing everything to keep him happy your probably sacrificing your own.

In the long run you’ll get tired of making excuses for him. You’ll end up always doing what he wants which will result in your BF becoming too comfortable and complacent within the relationship. Continually making excuses wont' benefit him. It just enables him to continue certain behaviors which he knows are wrong. He may think that if you truly cared about him, you would let him know when he made a mistake. So women stop making excuses for your man!

4 Things You Shouldn't Say To Your Man.

Madame Noire published a post on things a woman shouldn’t say to her boyfriend. We know there's certain statements that will push your partner over the edge and have them behaving in an unrecognisable manner. Yet our tongues can get the best of us and we end up saying things we don’t mean.

Communication is vital within everyday relationships and it’s not necessarily what you say, but how you say it that makes the difference. We often talk about tones within Counselling. The tone of the client and counsellor often reveals the true and sometimes hidden feelings behind what’s being said. We are taught to pick up on the silent language of what isn’t stated within a session. Research has found that 55 % of the impression people form of you is based on your postures, body movements and gestures. 38 % is based on the tone of your voice (tempo and frequency) and only 7% is based on what you say.

Here are four things you shouldn’t say to your boyfriend.

1. Any comparisons to exes are an ultimate no, no.

This sounds like common sense right? You’d be surprised what people say out of spite or simply because they haven’t thought it through. Some folks can be insensitive and before you know it the words my ex used to do so and so has rolled off their tongue. No man wants to think of his current girlfriend in any form with another man. To compare him to your ex is like rubbing salt in an open wound.

Whilst I’m on the subject of comparisons don’t compare your man to your friend’s partners. This behaviour will have him questioning him why you’re in the relationship. I for one wouldn’t want to be with a guy who constantly compares my actions and behaviour. Not only is it disheartening but it would dent my self-esteem.

2. Constantly throwing ultimatums.

No one wants to be threatened with if you don’t fix up I’m leaving. No amount of manipulation will get him to change. Giving him ultimatums can be viewed as childish and you don’t want to resort to such acts of desperation. Ultimatums push people into a corner and leads to defensiveness. It also puts a lot of pressure on both parties.

You have to ask why you feel the need to resort to such demands. Is it a form of control? Maybe your relationship is the one area you feel you can regulate. Or does it stem from a lack of confidence? This behaviour will have a negative effect and may result in your partner digging his heels in further and no changes being made. Or he may actually call your bluff and tell you to leave…..ouch!

3. Speaking negatively all the time

It doesn’t take a genius to know that if you’re constantly belittling and speaking negatively then it will have a negative effect emotionally and mentally. People react to things differently and this can lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy. I.e. I won’t bother cooking the dinner tonight as she’ll only complain about what I’ve cooked and how long it’s taken. .

This behaviour again leads to defensiveness and could resort in him barking back at you. It sends out the signal that you’re not happy with him or the relationship and will eventually result in your boyfriend not listening to you anymore as everything you say is negative. Some of us like to say bad things but when we're on the receiving end it doesn't feel so nice. 

4. Just leave it I’ll do it myself.

We all have set ways of doing things but before you utter these words think about why you’re so frustrated? Let’s say your boyfriend is loading the dishwasher but he’s taking too long in your opinion and he doesn’t rinse the plates first. Now these are minor things because the end result is that the dishwasher is being loaded and he’s helping around the house. Men like to feel like the provider and you demeaning him in such a way will have a negative effect. He may question what his role is around the house as you've taken on the role of superwoman. You can’t have it all. You want him to help you out, yet you moan when he does it and utter the above words. Make your mind up!

4 Things All Men Want In A Relationship

GUEST BLOGGER

This weeks post is written by Chris Enti author of 'What He Really Thinks' He's offered some nuggets of wisdom for women who want to know what it is that men really want from their partner. Below are 4 important points that can only make your relationships better and help you understand men that little bit better. Read and take note!

1. Friendship Under this banner comes support and respect. More specifically someone men feel at ease enough to share activities with and also be able to genuinely have FUN with. Not the kind of fun which means that you start bantering about football, but definitely a shared interest or sub category of one. The most obvious things would be doing things like bowling, sharing a special interest in cooking/enjoying food from a certain country, dancing, film and music.

Friendship also necessitates having your own life and your own interests because he definitely does and values having some time apart to be with his other friends. This reinforces and reminds him of his ability to feel strong and (positively) feel like a man. 

Friendship also means support and the Christian message of "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" is very powerful here. It seems so obvious but no man wants to feel condescended, no man wants to feel like they aren't being appreciated or compared to another guy- your ex, your friend’s boyfriend etc. The same level of cherished, attentive and honest support and respect that a woman would afford her best friend is exactly what he's looking for in a partner. If you believe in him (not necessarily in all his dreams) but the fact he has the courage and work ethic to some day make that dream a reality - then that’s what he wants!

  

2. Blatant communication Men are not mind readers. Aloofness, women who never say exactly what they want, and don't talk openly to a man (not AT him) are like milkshakes. As stomaching too much of it at one time can make you sick and want something else. Active honest listening is very important and basically being sensitive to the difference in how men and women communicate.

For example it’s been scientifically proven that when they get home from work men speak significantly less words when compared to their female partners. The argument that has been forwarded here is that it isn't that men don't want to talk at times; they are programmed to not do so at certain times. Some men (and women) need these "me time" minutes to adjust their thinking in order to break away from the world of work. It seems so obvious but it’s so often forgotten that if we're talking about a proper relationship then both parties have to be mature people who are in a place where they can grow together.

A man whose still a boy and emotionally immature, plus a woman who is carrying negative baggage (often because of an emotionally immature man) equals bad maths! Getting to know each other fully before you become intimate will let you both know where each others minds at.

3. Sex Men want consistent, frequent and engaged woman in the bedroom. This doesn't mean a "freak in the sheets" all the time but someone who is comfortable to initiate and be very confident about what she likes and doesn't like. Happily married women figured out a long time ago that to build mutual happiness doesn’t mean "giving it to him when he wants it" - but letting him know that she wants it too but "mis en scene" I.e. romance, allure, and spontaneity (that doesn't include touching) is what really gets her going!

The emotional intimacy that makes men feel most connected through is sexual. More importantly the act of making love is how a man feels that you want and love him. I'm not sure that with holding sex will make him think that you don't love him, but it will definitely make him think you don't want him- and that's just as destructive to the relationship. It’s been argued that when women make love the act releases oxcytonin which makes them want to connect and emotionally commit. When men make love and release during love making, they are also releasing their ability to feel connected to a woman. If I'm honest the only time I genuinely felt close to my ex was when we were intimate.

Men also like the chase and although this isn't a game, chase is mutually beneficial, as it allows the woman time to get to know a guy properly. This is key to avoid the relationship being a fling or just "seeing each other"- which can only serve to increase the intensity of the passion for both parties when it happens.

  

4. Confidence is arguably the sexiest personality trait in a woman and guys like this to manifest it-self in all the arrears listed above, but also in how the woman carries herself and their appearance. Men generally have no problem with confidence (at least outwardly they don’t) and a woman who maximises what she has - irrespective of their weight, or body shape will never be short of male suitors. Confidence to let him be a man and take the lead when needed, as well as the self belief to understand that no one except you can "complete" you! Doing the absolute best you can with what you've got is what he's after even though he may not always do similar in your eyes.

The simple truth is when a woman regularly makes an attempt to look good, she feels good and men can identify this very quickly. They are drawn to the outward/inward positive aura that her efforts generate. The brain is the most powerful organ (including sexual) in the body. The confidence to be funny, opinionated and vocal in the bedroom are all very powerful indicators to a guy that a woman is into him and therefore he can trust and be honest about his feelings.