5 Things Couples Do Too Soon

We all recall the wave of emotions we feel when getting into a new relationship. There’s the constant high within the honeymoon period and excitement of things to come. Understandably everyone’s optimistic at this time and hopes to have a long future with their partner. Nevertheless it’s important not to make any hasty decisions and rush into things. Don’t let emotions cloud your judgement and cause you to do things rapidly. Madame Noir published a good post on things couples do too soon. Here’s a recap as well as some points I feel are important. 

1. Sex- this had to secure the number one position because sex changes EVERYTHING! Of course intimacy is important within relationships but often people rush into sex too quickly. I'm not going to delve into the emotional, physiological effects of sex; I'll save that for another post. The fact is the majority of people that are dating probably have sex within the first few weeks. Hankering gets the better of them and they just can’t resist the urges. They then mistake sex as a good foundation for a relationship. How strongly you’re attracted to a person won’t guarantee a fulfilling relationship with them. You’d be surprised how many people get intimate way too quickly and then hope that the other elements of the relationship match their sex life.

2. Live Together. Some people debate that couples that live together are testing the waters for when they get married and that it’s a sign of commitment. While others view it as having your cake and eating it and that it pushes some couples into an area of comfort that they just fall into. It depends what you want from the relationship and what your beliefs, expectations are? While you may live together there's still no guarantee that your partner won't up and leave. Living together too soon can put too much pressure on a new relationship. You’re still getting to know one another and don’t need the added pressure of constantly being in each other’s space.

3. Buying Gifts. I'm not against sharing gifts but I don't feel it's appropriate within a few weeks of dating. Buying gifts is a nice gesture but it depends what the motives are for giving them especially if it’s expensive. Yes this person may be generous and want to show their appreciation for you but what’s the rush? Is it because you want the person to like you and the only way you believe they'll do that is through spending money on them? Buying gifts can put indirect pressure on the other person to match what your dong. I associate buying gifts with someone I'm in a long and meaningful relationship with and always raise an eyebrow when gifts are brought too soon.

 4. Prioritize Each Other. There's nothing wrong with putting your partner first just don't do it too early within the relationship. You used to keep your weekends free to chill with friends or have some me time and now find yourself constantly putting your partner’s needs and desires before your own. You double check whether your partner has something planned before you commit to anything. Be careful not to lose your friends over someone you've been dating a few weeks. It’s important that you still have a life as its early days and there are no guarantees that the relationship will work.

5. Expecting Too Much Too Soon. You've been dating for a month and already you want to change the status on your Facebook. Want to meet the parents and go off on holiday together. Slow your roll! There's no rush and this urgency can end up pushing people away and come across as desperate. Keep your expectations in check.

5 Reasons Women Shouldn't Rush Dating.

I read a great post on 'Hello Beautiful' about how women rush the dating process. So I thought I'd touch on it this week and give my 2 pence worth. We're all supposed to enjoy 'dating' however I feel women rush the process in the aims of locking down a relationship and walking up the aisle. This is normally down to loneliness, a need to settle down and throw around the title I'm spoken for and the feeling that good men are hard to find. After a few initial dates women are quick to claim this man would be an ideal partner. How can we form this conclusion after only spending a few hours with them? We're in such a rush to move things along that we don't always get to know a person properly. Here are 5 reasons you shouldn't rush dating.

1. Take Time To Get to Know Him.

I can't stress how important it is to get to know someone as best as possible. You’ll never know someone fully but you can get as close as possible. I'd go as far as to suggest holding out on intimacy, if you can. It’s way too easy for us to paint a perfect picture whilst dating. We get up caught up in the hype and forget that whilst having fun we are trying to gauge what this person is like. I believe a person’s true colours will emerge within 3 months of getting to know someone. How do they react to disappointments, what are they like when angry? These are just a few things you need to know before starting a relationship with someone. You can't determine them after dating someone a handful of times. Take. Your. Time!

2. Don't Ignore The Warning Signs.

This is sooo important. I've discussed intuition on several occasions and its one thing you should never ignore. We let our emotions cloud what’s right in front of us. We're so determined to lock this man down that we don't listen to what he's saying. I.e. I’m not looking for anything serious right now or I don’t trust women. His actions/words may be beyond shady but because your trying to rush the dating process your ignore what’s going on. I met a guy who didn't have any friends....WARNING SIGN, couldn't control his temper....WARNING SIGN and lied habitually....DANGER.....WARNING SIGN. The fact is I could have got sucked in big time if I didn't keep my wits about me. If I was desperate for love/ a relationship I may have ignored the above and convinced myself that we could live happily ever after. Unfortunately this is what some women do and end up in doomed relationships. We can’t guarantee the outcome but you can get as many facts as possible to confirm whether it’s something you want to get into.

3. Build A Friendship First.

We've heard time and time again that the basis of a good relationship is a good friendship. Wouldn't it be great if you could have a partner like your best buddy? I often joke with my girl friend that she would be a perfect partner if she were a dude. A good friendship usually consist of communication, give and take, respect, honesty and trust. This is why I refereed to a lack of intimacy in point 1 as it speeds up the process. It prevents people building friendship first. Whilst the sex may be great you may find that without it you don’t share anything in common. Some people rush into sex and then try and base their relationships around it. It takes more than having a few things in common.

4. Don't Scare Him Away.

You know how it is when we really want something. It's not just our words that validate it but our actions. We sometimes come across desperate without realising it. Men often know what you want without you having to say anything. If you’re desperate for a relationship I guarantee the man you're dating will pick up on this sooner or later. This can be a bit off putting and you may end up pushing the guy (you’ve already set up in your mind your going to marry) your dating away. No one wants to like to feel they’ve been pressured into something.

5. Have Fun And Enjoy The Moment.

I was having a discussion recently and it seems men and women view dating very differently. Men are more likely to date for fun whilst women are there to find their perfect match. The date your on doesn't have to lead to a relationship. There’s nothing wrong with getting to know people and having fun. So if a guy asks you out don’t start compiling your check list just yet. Go with an open mind and enjoy the date. When your relaxed and having fun a guy will pick up on your happy vibes and will enjoy your company more.