Why Do Women Let Themselves Go?

I want to start by saying this post is not set out to bash women. We often get defensive when someone's touched a nerve or spoken an element of truth, I know I do. There we go disclaimers out the way. 

My friend and I were having a discussion about why we as women tend to sometimes let ourselves go. Yes men let themselves go too but I've chosen to focus on...CUE Beyonce 'All the single ladies, all the single ladies....I'm not discussing married women with kids as I haven't experienced either of the above. I'm talking about the singletons, the women in relationships. The women who are still young but don't seem to care anymore. I know there are numerous things vying for your time within a day. Whether it be keeping the house tidy, cooking, work, being a good partner, socializing, making time for family and most importantly making time for yourself. It's hard work as well as time consuming.  It usually starts off as minor things. Leaving the house with chipped nail polish for days on end. The bob that was once cut to precision has now grown out and the ends are all straggly. You used to rock the fiercest colorful clothes and now you dress in black every day and then of course there's the slowing down of the metabolism.

I feel that once some women get into relationships they get comfortable. The scary thing is that you often don't realize its happening. I recall when my ex boyfriend told me that I don't dress as good as I used too. This was his indirect way of saying you don't make as much effort anymore. That comment felt like a hard slap as well as a wake up call. Whilst I got angry and defensive I had to admit that there was an element of truth to what he said. I no longer felt a need to make an effort as he was mine. I felt the weight gaining, I didn't drop it like it was hot anymore. Deep down I wasn't comfortable within myself and this was slowly chipping away at my confidence. I'd fallen into a rut and didn't know how to get out. I'm not implying you dress for your man but do something that'll make you happy. If your happy your man will be happy. 

Lets not forget men are visual and while they'll accept you as you are. They won't forget how you used to look, especially if there's been some drastic changes. Men probably won't admit it but they like their women to maintain themselves. They want to show you off and let the world know how proud they are of you. Unless you've got one of those controlling men with some deep insecurities (no further comment). You can't beat that feeling when you enter the room and all eyes are on you like WOW...who is that? And you don't have to look like a supermodel or have the latest attire to achieve it. Just got to be comfortable in your own skin. I'm sure the same goes for you ladies. How would you feel if your boyfriend let his hair grow out, no longer shaved. Didn't make an effort with his clothes, put on a lot of weight? Be honest with yourself! 

I love wearing jogging pants and headscarves around the house. I also like to throw on a pair of heels and a bright lip stick to show off my feminine side. The little things make such a big difference whether its a bit of mascara, a facial, or buying yourself something nice. Not only will you feel good but he'll appreciate your efforts too. It starts from an inner confidence and if you don't have that it will show on the outside. The key is to find a balance and not let yourself go completely. Sometimes when we feel low or depressed we no longer care about our appearance. This usually pulls you down into a spiral pattern and everything else gets affected. 

I've recently become a member of the 30 club and must confess that whilst I've more or less maintained my weight over the years. I find it hard to stay trim due to my indulgence of all things sweet and my metabolism slowing down. I exercise not only for health reasons but because it makes me feel and look good. This brings me onto the foods us ladies consume. We all know whats good and bad for us yet we still choose to eat rubbish. I too am guilty of this, if its bad I'm eating ALL of it. The truth is you look as good as you feel! I hear many women at work complain about their weight yet they eat the wrong foods and don't fit exercise into their schedules. I repeat I know we all lead busy lives and that work hours are rarely 9-5 anymore but you have to make a decision and make some changes somewhere. Nothing beats the spring in your step when you finish an excruciating workout, leave the hairdressers or put on that dress that fits like a glove. 

If all you've taken from this post is that women must have their face caked with make-up and be a size 10 then you've missed the point. There's nothing wrong with taking a bit of pride in your appearance. Whether your a size 12 or 16 it's all about loving yourself and being the best you can be mentally, physically and emotionally. I think its important to carry on caring for your appearance, to keep your individuality and confidence.  

Have You Let Go Of Your Ex-Partner?

Break-ups are never easy. Some days are better than others and just when you think you've moved on something happens to trigger your emotions. You find that after going cold turkey for so long you’re still pining over your ex partner. I know this feeling all too well. When past relationship’s have come to an end but I'm still yearning for what we had. Wishing we could commence where we left off even if the relationship was more damaging than good. If you’re feeling this way the chances are you may not be over your ex.

Its funny how we miss all the lovely things our exes did but conveniently forget what we disliked. Those irritable traits that drove you mad. All the hurt, wrong doings, why that person wasn't right for you gets swept under the carpet. We tend to overlook these things over time, especially when lonely. Or we try and convince ourselves that the relationship wasn't so bad. That maybe you were happy after all. It’s important to remember that the relationship ended for a reason. I’m not suggesting you constantly focus on the negatives but don’t delude yourself into thinking things were better than they were.

One of the main reasons we struggle to let go is because we feel that our ex partner is there to meet our needs. Whilst in a relationship those needs are being met (to a degree) and once the partner ship ends we feel lost. How many times have you decided to go your separate ways only to regret the decision? We forget that the person wasn’t meeting enough of our requirements hence why the relationship is no more. We often feel disappointed because things didn’t pan out as hoped. No doubt the same things you were looking for in them they were looking for in you. The result is that you feel let down.

There’s nothing wrong with these thoughts, it's natural. There is a problem if you’re in a new relationship and your constantly comparing. Just a thought or mention of their name gets you angry, or you split with your partner a long, long time ago. As there comes a point where you need to move on. I read an article about letting go recently. It stated that most time we miss certain elements, whether it’s affection, encouragement or strength. These elements are YOUR needs and you’re probably trying to find someone else to meet them. The truth is that these needs are actually within us. I feel we become dependent on our exes without realising.

 

I've heard time and time again that you need to let go of past hurts before someone new can enter your life. You have to be honest with yourself and get to the root of why you’re still harbouring feelings. Whilst your ex-partner may have messed up, you have to let it go and use it as time to reflect on yourself and get ready for future relationships. It's more than declaring that your over your ex it’s closing the door emotionally. This is why it's difficult to let go as out hurt comes in many layers and may take years to get over. Have you let go of your ex partner?