Why Men Marry Some Women And Not Others Part 2

Last week focused on women and the steps they can take in preparation for marriage. This week the spotlight shifts to the opposite sex and we explore the kind of men that want/choose to get married. Author John T Molly maintains to maximise your chances of marrying, only date the marrying kind. Apart from the obvious I wondered what type of men fall into the marrying category?

John’s research established most men will not consider marriage before they reach the age of commitment. After the age of 37-38, the chances that he’ll commit drops dramatically, after 43, it drops even more. The age varies within each group ranging from school to college etc. I believe the older you get the more set in your ways you become. I know a man in his late 40’s whose expressed the desire to get married but I often wonder if it will happen. I think the idea sounds nice but I wonder how committed he really is to marriage?

I always assumed that once men reach a certain age they’d be ready to settle down. I now realise this isn’t the case and was quite naïve to put all men in the same bracket. Following a conversation with a friend he explained how men take longer to mature emotionally. I’ve read/ heard this theory before it didn’t really sink in until a few months ago. However this doesn’t mean that a guy who is relatively younger/ older should be ruled out.

Most men will not contemplate marriage until they have been working and living as independent adults for several years. Steve Harvey touched on the mind set of men in ‘Act like a lady, think like a man’.

‘Men are driven by who they are, what they do and how much they make. No matter if a man is a CEO, a CON, or both, everything he does is filtered through his title (who he is), how he gets that title (what he does), and the reward he gets for the effort (how much money he makes). These three things make up the basic DNA of manhood- the three accomplishments every man must achieve before he feels like he’s truly fulfilled his destiny as a man.’

I underestimated how the above affects men. How they can feel less complete because they're not where they want to be financially, emotionally and residentially. You can't expect a man to get married if he’s not at the place he needs to be/ feels comfortable with? This falls into wanting to be 'complete' before making such a big level of commitment. In an ideal world my studies would be complete, my career would be on the rise and I'd be at a good place financially before getting married. However life doesn’t always pan out like that.

Men become likely to marry after they become uncomfortable with the singles scene. Contrary to popular belief not all men like to play the field. There comes a point when it gets unexciting to hang out at the bar every weekend. Men do have a biological clock, based on their desire to be an active father (especially to their sons). I rarely take into account that men have a biological clock too. There’s always so much focus on women that men get pushed to the side.

Other key facts.

• Men often marry women whose religion, politics, values, and socioeconomic status match theirs
• Men whose friends and siblings are married are more likely to marry
• 60% of the newly married men reported that they had a friend who had married within the last year.
• Those men who didn't have any married male friends were 2-3 times as likely to say that they weren't ready to marry
• The majority of men who had seen their friends get married said that if they met the right woman, they’d think seriously about getting married 

The study also touched on marriage avoiders. They tend to fall in the below grouping.

Men who see marriage as a financial arrangement in which women have the most to gain.

Men who live with their parents.

Men who worry about losing their freedom.

Don’t want children.

Believed that singles have better sex lives than those who are married.