First and foremost it’s not just men that struggle with this
addictive behaviour, women do too. I wanted to gauge people's thoughts on the subject and whether they felt it damages relationships? I've heard a lot of mixed opinions on
this topic. Some have been quite frank and stated that their partners know they
watch porn and don’t have a problem with it. However if you scratch the
surface I guarantee they're not as comfortable as they portray. Others have vehemently
expressed their disgust and can't understand the fascination with it.
My friend told me about a guy
he met. He’s in his early thirties, has a girlfriend and she is expecting their
third child. The thing is he visits prostitutes on a monthly basis. He considers it a treat and doesn't have to deal with any emotional baggage. Those are his words not mine. This is a classic example of how porn has spilled
out into his real life.
If I found out my
partner was watching porn I’d feel disappointed, mistrusting,
and a little degraded. Especially if it went on to affect our relationship/ sex
life which I believe it would. If you are exposing yourself to certain images, behaviours,
fantasies then surely you’d want to rein act them? It could start off minute as something you would have never considered before being exposed to
porn. My main concern would be that sex would be less emotional and more
objectifying. I wouldn’t want to feel silenced into ‘it’s what some guys do' and
that I wouldn’t understand. Does
this mean I’d have to then accept it?
The thing about porn is that it will almost certainly alter how
you view sex. It sets unrealistic expectations in the minds of men and women.
I've heard women say that you can’t satisfy a man that watches porn as they
expect more and more from you. A woman may accept their partner watching porn but it doesn't mean they're happy about it. Regardless how much self-esteem you have it
will get damaged by this behavior.
'Pornography also creates havoc because it
causes viewers to focus on themselves- what stimulates, satisfies and pleases
them. Their concentration is on what they want the other person to look
like, act like and do for them……They become obsessed with those fantasies and
with satisfying themselves.
…' (Excerpt from Your Knight in Shining Armour)
I personally feel that pornography use can ruin relationships. People
feel that the external effects of porn are less explicit, this doesn't mean it isn’t damaging. Porn can infiltrate your mind on a unconscious level. You think you've got this behaviour under
control but it will often seep into your actions/ behaviors, conversations,
thought patterns even your dreams. The unconscious always comes to the forefront. We often use the following analogy
in Counselling. The unconscious is like a dead body thrown in a lake eventually it will rise to the surface.
What are your thoughts on Pornography? Do you feel it's harmless? Is Porn only a problem once when
it becomes an obsession?
