He Won't Leave His Wife/ Girlfriend For You.

After completing the second season of Scandal, I couldn't help but write a post on ‘the other women’. I’m fascinated with Fitz and Olivia’s relationship and while they’re not the greatest example due to the political position both characters play, it prompted this post.  Fitz is probably one of the few men that would leave his wife for his mistress.

99% of men don’t leave their wives or girlfriends. Those that do and go on to divorce rarely marry the person with whom they’re having the affair.  The divorce rate among those who married their lovers is 75%. The statistics say it all. How many films have you watched when the man leaves his wife and kids only to regret his decision and go back on bended knees.

Most people get into affairs as a result of poor values, poor boundaries, a self-seeking attitude, and a slight competitive nature. The other woman wants to feel she is somewhat better than his partner/wife and the only way she can prove it is by winning him over/ stealing him away. Ego is often the driving force!

Being in a relationship with a married man is doomed from the get go. The lover knows this deep down but gets lost in it all. A relationship based on cheating can’t lead to an honest and solid union. Trust will always be a big issue because the values have gone. If he does leave his spouse he won’t trust you because you know he was spoken for. You won’t trust him because he’s cheating on his wife with you and what will stop him doing it to you? Can you see the headache already, and this is only one element of the affair.

The reality is that men rarely leave their partners and the lover wastes years of her life falling in love with a man she can’t have. Just because he’s having sex with you doesn't mean he’s stopped loving his wife. Men often put women into two categories, wife material and bed material. Usually the role of the mistress is to gratify his sexual needs; you’re there because you provide sex, romance and fun. While he may grow feelings for you, you can’t provide what his partner does. If you could he would be with you full time.

Surely this kind of relationship isn't healthy and doesn't fit your goals of marriage, love and family. Save yourself some heartache and stay clear of married men or those already in relationships. 

Back Soon......

Hi guys,

Uni starts back this week and I really need to get my head back in the books and F.O.C.U.S (Follow One Course Until Successful). I have a tendency to faff about and it doesn't take much to distract me so I’m taking a short time away from blogging. The Real Talk will be back in full effect before you know it. x

Men Hate Manipulation.

Over the next few weeks I’ll be looking into what men want from a relationship. Chris Enti wrote a brilliant post about this last year and covered 4 important factors that men look for in a woman, communication, sex, confidence and friendship. 

This week’s focal point is manipulation. While both sexes are guilty of using this tactic I’ve chosen to focus on why men want manipulation free relationships.

Manipulation can be subtle or very obvious. Whatever method used it won’t do the relationship any good and you won’t get you your needs met this way. Common forms of manipulation are ultimatums, withholding sex, shedding tears, sulking, and criticism. We often resort to manipulation to get our own way, to get attention and to control the relationship/spouse. We think we’re in control when the reality is men DON’T like it. They don’t like the constant game playing and trying to guess what you’re feeling or trying to say. Men can tell when you want the relationship to progress and no form of manipulation will get things to develop if he doesn’t want it to.

Manipulation will bring on the following consequences if you’re not careful. It will only lead to him feeling frustrated. I’ve been on the receiving end of manipulation and it so annoying...ARRGH! It takes up too much energy mentally and emotionally. He’ll end up being defensive, (which in return gets your back up) offended and questioning what it is you want from him. Manipulation can harbour resentment especially if you guilt trip him all the time i.e. Mandy’s boyfriend always takes her away once a year you don’t do that for me... This indirectly says (1) you’re not happy; (2) you’re comparing him to your friend’s spouse and (3) giving his ego a serious bruising. Can you see where I’m going with this?

Don’t be fooled into thinking that manipulative behaviour isn’t problematic. Manipulation is a form of emotional blackmail and is regarded as trying to change your partner’s behaviour/character. Ladies are you’re acting out unconsciously using manipulation as a defence mechanism to avoid hurt in the relationship? Or are you consciously using this behaviour to keep control? Whatever the reason it’s detrimental to the relationship and will eventually push him away. Learn to communicate effectively it will lead to better results.